At least, for me, with this blog, it is. Because for one, it means I am not having awful or painful experiences in the dating world, thus nothing to write about. It could also mean that I am having good dating experiences and they take up my time that I have none to write.
And both would be the case this time!
I am not only having good dating experiences, I am having several of them which have actually led to me being exclusive with an absolutely amazing man. So I'm just going to focus on us right now and leave a little blog silence. Maybe I will give some updates. We'll see. All I need to share right now is that I am very, very happy.
Monday, October 24, 2016
Thursday, October 6, 2016
Today
Today I still have
My mom and dad
My beloved sister
My brothers
My amazing in-laws
My "niephews"
My home
My job
My patrons who love me
My co-workers who love and support me
My neighbors and ward members
My testimony
My health
My car
My legs and feet
My arms and hands
My hair (yes, I'm going to put that in there :-) )
My eyes
My friends and very best friends
My aunts, uncles, and cousins
My blogs
My games
My Happy Now list
My memories
My love
My heart
My beliefs
My freedoms
My voice
My Church leaders
My tissues
My books
My blankets
My joy
My ability to serve
My temple recommend
My smile
My sense of humor
My food
My sense of security
My experiences
My desires
My Lord's Gospel
My scriptures
My journals
My gift of the Holy Ghost
My Redeemer
My Heavenly Father
My future
Today, I am overwhelmed.
Today I am mourning.
Today I am tired.
Today I am crying.
But
Today, I am grateful.
Today, I am fortunate.
Today, I am blessed.
My mom and dad
My beloved sister
My brothers
My amazing in-laws
My "niephews"
My home
My job
My patrons who love me
My co-workers who love and support me
My neighbors and ward members
My testimony
My health
My car
My legs and feet
My arms and hands
My hair (yes, I'm going to put that in there :-) )
My eyes
My friends and very best friends
My aunts, uncles, and cousins
My blogs
My games
My Happy Now list
My memories
My love
My heart
My beliefs
My freedoms
My voice
My Church leaders
My tissues
My books
My blankets
My joy
My ability to serve
My temple recommend
My smile
My sense of humor
My food
My sense of security
My experiences
My desires
My Lord's Gospel
My scriptures
My journals
My gift of the Holy Ghost
My Redeemer
My Heavenly Father
My future
Today, I am overwhelmed.
Today I am mourning.
Today I am tired.
Today I am crying.
But
Today, I am grateful.
Today, I am fortunate.
Today, I am blessed.
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
Getting to the Bottom of It
I had to do some personal pondering, reflections, and feelings checks after my "out of the blue" heartbreak on Sunday. Because it couldn't have been out of the blue. Something led to something somehow. Thus I thought about it. And when the realization dawned on me, I literally sat for a full 5 minutes at work with my mouth hanging open. (Thank goodness I was back in the office!)
It came to me that, yet again, I am being passed over for some other woman. The background details of that fact are ironic and ridiculous and embarrassing and most especially surprising. So I'm not getting into that. But the point is that is my biggest barrier, my biggest fear is that I am unwanted by men. That men see me and decide to go for other women. Granted, hopefully that is what generally happens, or else I would be in a lot of trouble! What I mean is that I felt no man would ever look at me, because they would always find someone else more attractive, desirable, etc. than me.
At our Inner Goddess weekend, we learned that our barriers were things built over time for one reason or another. And in my pondering, I was able to remember the very first time this happened in my life. The most profound one. Because really, having men 5 years older than me pursue women 5 years older than me when I was still a teenager--that wasn't a real rejection. Nor were the boys that I crushed over secretly who never went for me. But that first time. The first real rejection I ever had. He was such a great friend, and I had so many feelings beyond that. I thought he did, too. Lots of people thought he did. But we were all wrong. It shocked us all when we figured out that he liked another girl. My heart dropped when I learned, and led to me lying on the floor in a dark room for 1/2 an hour, crying my eyes out. Yeah, I was an emotional teenager. (Yes, I'm still emotional as an adult, but I've really tried to curb it!)
That of course was not my only rejection. I had many afterwards. But this was my first. It was eye-opening for me to realize that that was the very first instance. But what had my heart and stomach dropping on Sunday? I am being passed over by the same guy. Honestly, I can't blame him. He really hasn't a clue. It happened before I was able to tell him anything. Yet the irony and that deep-seated fear came whirling so fast at me as I saw it all unfolding all over again. Yet it was even deeper because it's what had "started it all." And that's why I was caught so off guard.
I'm moving along with it. While also dealing with my health issues and being overly-stressed and tired at work. All 3 together are making for a terrible cocktail of emotions. But I'm glad I have been able to trace all 3 things to their sources, and can deal with each one accordingly. That was more than half the battle right there.
And now I'm closing the back door, without even bothering to ask questions. I'm just going to shut it. And I will protect myself from letting that person in anywhere. I will be better, wiser, and more cautious.
All will be well.
It came to me that, yet again, I am being passed over for some other woman. The background details of that fact are ironic and ridiculous and embarrassing and most especially surprising. So I'm not getting into that. But the point is that is my biggest barrier, my biggest fear is that I am unwanted by men. That men see me and decide to go for other women. Granted, hopefully that is what generally happens, or else I would be in a lot of trouble! What I mean is that I felt no man would ever look at me, because they would always find someone else more attractive, desirable, etc. than me.
At our Inner Goddess weekend, we learned that our barriers were things built over time for one reason or another. And in my pondering, I was able to remember the very first time this happened in my life. The most profound one. Because really, having men 5 years older than me pursue women 5 years older than me when I was still a teenager--that wasn't a real rejection. Nor were the boys that I crushed over secretly who never went for me. But that first time. The first real rejection I ever had. He was such a great friend, and I had so many feelings beyond that. I thought he did, too. Lots of people thought he did. But we were all wrong. It shocked us all when we figured out that he liked another girl. My heart dropped when I learned, and led to me lying on the floor in a dark room for 1/2 an hour, crying my eyes out. Yeah, I was an emotional teenager. (Yes, I'm still emotional as an adult, but I've really tried to curb it!)
That of course was not my only rejection. I had many afterwards. But this was my first. It was eye-opening for me to realize that that was the very first instance. But what had my heart and stomach dropping on Sunday? I am being passed over by the same guy. Honestly, I can't blame him. He really hasn't a clue. It happened before I was able to tell him anything. Yet the irony and that deep-seated fear came whirling so fast at me as I saw it all unfolding all over again. Yet it was even deeper because it's what had "started it all." And that's why I was caught so off guard.
I'm moving along with it. While also dealing with my health issues and being overly-stressed and tired at work. All 3 together are making for a terrible cocktail of emotions. But I'm glad I have been able to trace all 3 things to their sources, and can deal with each one accordingly. That was more than half the battle right there.
And now I'm closing the back door, without even bothering to ask questions. I'm just going to shut it. And I will protect myself from letting that person in anywhere. I will be better, wiser, and more cautious.
All will be well.
Sunday, October 2, 2016
Not past feeling. I guess that's good.
I refuse to let another boy make me cry!
At least tonight.
Or, well, by tomorrow morning.
So out of the blue--where in the world did that come from?!?
I haven't felt my heart hurt this badly since Back Door Boy left me for another--or the other--woman. And even then, this feels different. Almost like I am going to be sick.
I am so confused and shocked, all I know to do is cry.
So, ok, I am letting another boy "make me" cry.
And once it is out, I will be fine.
How appropriate--crying during a rainstorm. Thoughts of "Remember When it Rained" and "Just Let Me Cry."
Because that's how it has always worked for me in the past.
I count on that for the future. And remember all the wonderful words I heard in Conference today, so I know it is true. I am happy, even joyful, amidst this randomly where-in-the-world trial.
At least tonight.
Or, well, by tomorrow morning.
So out of the blue--where in the world did that come from?!?
I haven't felt my heart hurt this badly since Back Door Boy left me for another--or the other--woman. And even then, this feels different. Almost like I am going to be sick.
I am so confused and shocked, all I know to do is cry.
So, ok, I am letting another boy "make me" cry.
And once it is out, I will be fine.
How appropriate--crying during a rainstorm. Thoughts of "Remember When it Rained" and "Just Let Me Cry."
Because that's how it has always worked for me in the past.
I count on that for the future. And remember all the wonderful words I heard in Conference today, so I know it is true. I am happy, even joyful, amidst this randomly where-in-the-world trial.
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
34 Reasons Why I am A Great Choice for a(n active LDS) Man to Marry
So, last year I wrote a slightly facetious post about 33 reasons why I might still be single at 33. Well, now I'm 34. And I honestly cannot believe how much has changed in just a year, especially in regards to social life, dating, and relationships. There were extremely tough times, which led to my recent #34Before34 challenge to keep my mind off the tough times. But there has been so much amazing and wonderful in this last year, too! All because of my Unleash Your Inner Goddess seminar, lessons, training (whatever else you want to call it all). I look over last year's list and now can see many flaws in it, no matter how facetious some of them may have been.
Thus it came to my mind that I should write a more positive list this year. Maybe it will come across as full of myself. But considering what my fears and barriers in dating have been (that I am invisible to men, or that I am 2nd choice, last choice, or no choice at all), I think this is a wise endeavor--though a really tough one! (Addendum: it took me a whole day to write this post.)
And so, may I present to you
Thus it came to my mind that I should write a more positive list this year. Maybe it will come across as full of myself. But considering what my fears and barriers in dating have been (that I am invisible to men, or that I am 2nd choice, last choice, or no choice at all), I think this is a wise endeavor--though a really tough one! (Addendum: it took me a whole day to write this post.)
And so, may I present to you
34 Reasons Why I am A Great Choice for a(n active LDS) Man to Marry
1. I am active LDS, because I want to be and I love to be.
2. I have a testimony of the Gospel and its principles, especially of the Atonement.
3. I love the temple, and actually go there to serve. :-)
4. I have an odd sense of humor. Guaranteed to make somebody laugh.
5. I know enough cooking and baking that we wouldn't starve. He might even enjoy it. ;-) (And I promise not to feed him any of my random meals unless he actually wants one.)
6. I'm actually pleasant to look at, when my face chooses to cooperate.
7. I can sing fairly well, and adore doing so--free entertainment, though generally in the musical genres of my choice. I'll also be able to sing lullabies to our children, and to him if he wishes.
8. I love to dance, even if I'm not good at it. Fun, simple, even cheap to no cost activity choices there--whether at an event or just at home.
9. I like to clean. I like to live in a place that is clean. So I will make sure that place we will live in is clean, and have an enjoyable time making it so.
10. I have some fabulous hair he can play with. Just so long as he knows it takes some effort to keep my hair as healthy as it is, and that sometimes that hair gets cut for donations as well as healthiness and upkeep.
11. I have a very strong and healthy sex drive. ;-)
12. And guess what? As someone who has never been married, I have still maintained my values and standards and kept myself chaste for the man I will marry. Don't discredit me as some men have because I am "inexperienced." Value me because I had the strength and courage to fight for my virtue and purity all these years, especially with that strong and healthy sex drive.
13. I love to read. Free entertainment, easy gift choices, and endless possibilities of intelligent, interesting conversation topics.
14. I love teaching. I will enjoy teaching our children the Gospel, early literacy skills, how to have fun, and so much more. I'll especially love having him as my partner to teach these things.
15. I love children and I want children.
16. I try to keep the Gospel and the Spirit in my home as much as possible. I make my home a refuge from the world.
17. I know and love the scriptures, and love to keep learning from them.
18. I sustain and follow my Church leaders.
19. I honor and respect the Priesthood, and those worthy men who hold it and exercise its keys in righteousness.
20. I absolutely love life. With its ups and downs, its bright spots and dark ones, its highs and lows, its Gethsemanes and Liberty Jails as well as its Nauvoos and Promised Lands. "Come what may, and love it." Pollyanna Positive Points in everything.
21. I own a house. Yes. He may have one, too. Details that can be worked out later. But I have an absolutely adorable house that mirrors my personality. Would give anything to share that with him, but if that is not in our plan, so be it. So long as he knows I have spent a few years learning how to budget for and take care of a house, and have developed a few skills and know-how along the way with that.
22. I am single at 34, still active in the Church, still believing in, hoping for, and working for an eternal marriage to my best friend. Why and how do I still believe, hope, and work? Because I trust in the Lord. I know He knows what is best for me. I know His timing is the best, and I trust in that, too.
23. That previous one? It's tied to patience, too. Not always my strongest virtue, but wow I have had a long time to work on developing it! I think I'm doing a fairly decent job at times with that.
24. I am not afraid of the task, challenge, work ahead of us in a marriage, because I am ready to give it my all, I trust that he will give it his all, and the two of us will always be sure that Heavenly Father is a part of our marriage, and it is Him we are trying to ever grow closer to.
25. I like to give neck and shoulder massages, and hand massages. And head massages. Possibly could do foot and back--just haven't had the opportunity (or inclination) to do those. Basically, I like to make others comfortable and help them relax. I can't imagine too many men who would not like some kind of service like this once in a while.
26. I have been reading and studying all kinds of topics that help in any kind of relationship, but with dating and marital relationships specifically in mind. I am even enrolled in a wife class. Why? Because I want to fill my arsenal with every tool I can to make our marriage successful. I don't want to just try at this marriage thing. I want to succeed in it and have a fabulously wonderful, fun, uplifting, engaging, growing time as we do so.
27. I know how to relax and have a good time. I am not all business. I am not all seriousness. Sometimes I like to go out for a good time. Sometimes I like to stay in. I enjoy an occasional lazy moment (or day). I like to eat junk food here and there. I like to sleep in or take a nap. I like to take it slow once in a while.
28. Along with the previous, I also enjoy exercising, eating healthy things, and trying to keep fit at a healthy, not obsessive level. I won't be a couch potato. But I won't be a health nut either. I am balanced in the middle and find peace, comfort, and happiness at that balance.
29. Mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, social, and physical knowledge and health are important to me.
30. I love my Savior.
31. I love my Heavenly Father.
32. I love my family and work to maintain those relationships, in spite of occasional opposition.
33. I love myself, even if I may at times struggle with some self-esteem issues, or personal doubts, or fighting the natural man, or whatever else may lie in my path. I have spent my lifetime getting to know who I am, developing who I am (which will always be a work in progress), and loving who I am. My Father and my Savior help me in that love. Because I have been able to come to love me, I am ready for a wonderful man to come to love me, too.
34. I am ready to face, meet, challenge, discover, and embrace the world with that man. Now.
7. I can sing fairly well, and adore doing so--free entertainment, though generally in the musical genres of my choice. I'll also be able to sing lullabies to our children, and to him if he wishes.
8. I love to dance, even if I'm not good at it. Fun, simple, even cheap to no cost activity choices there--whether at an event or just at home.
9. I like to clean. I like to live in a place that is clean. So I will make sure that place we will live in is clean, and have an enjoyable time making it so.
10. I have some fabulous hair he can play with. Just so long as he knows it takes some effort to keep my hair as healthy as it is, and that sometimes that hair gets cut for donations as well as healthiness and upkeep.
11. I have a very strong and healthy sex drive. ;-)
12. And guess what? As someone who has never been married, I have still maintained my values and standards and kept myself chaste for the man I will marry. Don't discredit me as some men have because I am "inexperienced." Value me because I had the strength and courage to fight for my virtue and purity all these years, especially with that strong and healthy sex drive.
13. I love to read. Free entertainment, easy gift choices, and endless possibilities of intelligent, interesting conversation topics.
14. I love teaching. I will enjoy teaching our children the Gospel, early literacy skills, how to have fun, and so much more. I'll especially love having him as my partner to teach these things.
15. I love children and I want children.
16. I try to keep the Gospel and the Spirit in my home as much as possible. I make my home a refuge from the world.
17. I know and love the scriptures, and love to keep learning from them.
18. I sustain and follow my Church leaders.
19. I honor and respect the Priesthood, and those worthy men who hold it and exercise its keys in righteousness.
20. I absolutely love life. With its ups and downs, its bright spots and dark ones, its highs and lows, its Gethsemanes and Liberty Jails as well as its Nauvoos and Promised Lands. "Come what may, and love it." Pollyanna Positive Points in everything.
21. I own a house. Yes. He may have one, too. Details that can be worked out later. But I have an absolutely adorable house that mirrors my personality. Would give anything to share that with him, but if that is not in our plan, so be it. So long as he knows I have spent a few years learning how to budget for and take care of a house, and have developed a few skills and know-how along the way with that.
22. I am single at 34, still active in the Church, still believing in, hoping for, and working for an eternal marriage to my best friend. Why and how do I still believe, hope, and work? Because I trust in the Lord. I know He knows what is best for me. I know His timing is the best, and I trust in that, too.
23. That previous one? It's tied to patience, too. Not always my strongest virtue, but wow I have had a long time to work on developing it! I think I'm doing a fairly decent job at times with that.
24. I am not afraid of the task, challenge, work ahead of us in a marriage, because I am ready to give it my all, I trust that he will give it his all, and the two of us will always be sure that Heavenly Father is a part of our marriage, and it is Him we are trying to ever grow closer to.
25. I like to give neck and shoulder massages, and hand massages. And head massages. Possibly could do foot and back--just haven't had the opportunity (or inclination) to do those. Basically, I like to make others comfortable and help them relax. I can't imagine too many men who would not like some kind of service like this once in a while.
26. I have been reading and studying all kinds of topics that help in any kind of relationship, but with dating and marital relationships specifically in mind. I am even enrolled in a wife class. Why? Because I want to fill my arsenal with every tool I can to make our marriage successful. I don't want to just try at this marriage thing. I want to succeed in it and have a fabulously wonderful, fun, uplifting, engaging, growing time as we do so.
27. I know how to relax and have a good time. I am not all business. I am not all seriousness. Sometimes I like to go out for a good time. Sometimes I like to stay in. I enjoy an occasional lazy moment (or day). I like to eat junk food here and there. I like to sleep in or take a nap. I like to take it slow once in a while.
28. Along with the previous, I also enjoy exercising, eating healthy things, and trying to keep fit at a healthy, not obsessive level. I won't be a couch potato. But I won't be a health nut either. I am balanced in the middle and find peace, comfort, and happiness at that balance.
29. Mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, social, and physical knowledge and health are important to me.
30. I love my Savior.
31. I love my Heavenly Father.
32. I love my family and work to maintain those relationships, in spite of occasional opposition.
33. I love myself, even if I may at times struggle with some self-esteem issues, or personal doubts, or fighting the natural man, or whatever else may lie in my path. I have spent my lifetime getting to know who I am, developing who I am (which will always be a work in progress), and loving who I am. My Father and my Savior help me in that love. Because I have been able to come to love me, I am ready for a wonderful man to come to love me, too.
34. I am ready to face, meet, challenge, discover, and embrace the world with that man. Now.
Monday, September 26, 2016
My word.
Him: Interested in something casual right now? Just lots of kissing and playing around with each other..... Some mutual climaxing and nothing to kinky, just fun 😍
Me: Did you even look at my profile? That would have saved you the trouble from even asking.
Him: I figured I would try anyways 😘
Me: Gross. And very sad.
Block!
Me: Did you even look at my profile? That would have saved you the trouble from even asking.
Him: I figured I would try anyways 😘
Me: Gross. And very sad.
Block!
Still Attempting Kindness. Still being proven I should just be rude.
Him: Hello. You have incredibly gorgeous pictures. They really stand out to me. Ever been with a big guy?
Me: I have been on dates with men who are what some may consider big. However, even they were LDS, and that is all I am looking for on this site. However, thank you so much for the compliments, and for reaching out. Good luck in your search.
Him: 8.5 inches beer bottle thick.
Me: You are disgusting. No thank you.
Block!
I will give myself credit that at least in his initial message, I 100% correctly guessed at what he was talking about--if that is credit for being able to spot nastiness now instead of...not nastiness. But I 100% hoped he might be a gentleman, and that if I went in an entirely different direction he would prove to be so. Granted, I can see that I didn't even come close in deflecting the direction the conversation began. I should have been much more plain, but I was still trying to keep up my rules of propriety as far as conversation and words used. No such luck. Now I will finish with an
Ew, gross!!!
Me: I have been on dates with men who are what some may consider big. However, even they were LDS, and that is all I am looking for on this site. However, thank you so much for the compliments, and for reaching out. Good luck in your search.
Him: 8.5 inches beer bottle thick.
Me: You are disgusting. No thank you.
Block!
I will give myself credit that at least in his initial message, I 100% correctly guessed at what he was talking about--if that is credit for being able to spot nastiness now instead of...not nastiness. But I 100% hoped he might be a gentleman, and that if I went in an entirely different direction he would prove to be so. Granted, I can see that I didn't even come close in deflecting the direction the conversation began. I should have been much more plain, but I was still trying to keep up my rules of propriety as far as conversation and words used. No such luck. Now I will finish with an
Ew, gross!!!
Sunday, September 25, 2016
#34Before34 Part 5: The Last Week
I pretty much knew I was not going to get any more dates this last week. No one else was volunteering, and I honestly had no clue who to ask any more. So I looked for my outings.
Date/Outing #20-#23: I joined my friend and 3 of her Relief Society sisters on my morning off and helped them tie a quilt. It was nice talking and listening to various random things. I also had the great pleasure of seeing dozens of adorable missionaries...in my comfy PJs. :-)
Date/Outing #24-#26: After callbacks, since the ice cream Girls' Night was cancelled, I stopped by the Relief Society Cooking Group at my friend's house. It was basically over, but they were sitting around talking. So I joined in. I really enjoyed that
(They told me I should count the people I met and spoke to at callbacks. I did go out of my way to meet 2 of the ladies there, which is rather big considering I was dealing with nerves and no one would think ill of me for sitting in silence. But hey, I've been on a roll this month and extrovert was in full gear.
Date/Outing #27-#31: Relief Society Book Group! It was not at my house, though the hostess did choose a book I suggested--the one on introverts! I love our Book Group. And I was glad I was able to go and enjoy a relaxing evening talking and eating with them. I ended up having no other plans afterward, so I was able to thoroughly enjoy the outing without feeling rushed on to another one.
Date/Outing #32: After talking with my friend during the week, she was interested in joining me for my Breakfast with Shakespeare outing. I had gotten tickets for the Waffle Faire beforehand and couldn't find anyone to join me. She did and I was so glad to have her. She appreciated all the Shakespeare humor we encountered. And it was great to be able to talk with her for longer than a few minutes. (Technically I visited with her and her husband a couple of weeks ago--I totally should have counted that as an outing!) She was one of my first friends in my current ward, as well as my VT companion for many months. I miss seeing and talking with her more often. I believe this Challenge has gotten me to the desire that no matter how introvert I am, I want to keep up more frequently on existing friendships and not just an occasional Hello.
Date/Outing #33-#38: I decided, in spite of my being very tired, that I would go to the midsingle BBQ I had seen advertised. I walked in and immediately went up to a mother and her two kids and started to chat with her. She was so nice and accepting and friendly. Yay! Introduced me to a couple of people we knew. And my introvert comfort zone was fine sticking with them through the duration of my time there. I did recognize quite a few people there. And maybe if I hadn't spent all me energies that month on the challenge, I would have gone around and caught up with them. But I was spent--physically as well as introvertedly.
Date/Outing #39-#68: We had our Cast Party for the summer musical I was in. Not everyone was able to come and yet there were still 30 there. I knew there would be at least 20. I could have just had that for an outing and had only a few dates. ;-) But that wouldn't have helped me meet my goal then. The Cast Party was probably one of the very best ways I could wrap up my challenge with. I had so much fun. Even if I was so very little involved in the show, I made some very wonderful friends from it. Ones who always made me feel included. I do miss seeing them more regularly, but I sure am glad I have such fabulous friends in my life now.
Date/Outing #69-#71: My birthday sleepover! 3 of my cast buddies came to my house for a sleepover. Still in the middle of it, as they haven't woken up and I need to go make us breakfast. Some of us will be going up to hear another fellow cast member speak, as he leaves for his mission in a couple of weeks. And at some point some of us will be watching last night's Women's Conference together. I love these girls--so glad they wanted to spend time with me.
So, there it is. I more than doubled my challenge, which I didn't expect at all. I well and fully met my goals in the challenge. And I created an absolutely memorable month.
Date/Outing #20-#23: I joined my friend and 3 of her Relief Society sisters on my morning off and helped them tie a quilt. It was nice talking and listening to various random things. I also had the great pleasure of seeing dozens of adorable missionaries...in my comfy PJs. :-)
Date/Outing #24-#26: After callbacks, since the ice cream Girls' Night was cancelled, I stopped by the Relief Society Cooking Group at my friend's house. It was basically over, but they were sitting around talking. So I joined in. I really enjoyed that
(They told me I should count the people I met and spoke to at callbacks. I did go out of my way to meet 2 of the ladies there, which is rather big considering I was dealing with nerves and no one would think ill of me for sitting in silence. But hey, I've been on a roll this month and extrovert was in full gear.
Date/Outing #27-#31: Relief Society Book Group! It was not at my house, though the hostess did choose a book I suggested--the one on introverts! I love our Book Group. And I was glad I was able to go and enjoy a relaxing evening talking and eating with them. I ended up having no other plans afterward, so I was able to thoroughly enjoy the outing without feeling rushed on to another one.
Date/Outing #32: After talking with my friend during the week, she was interested in joining me for my Breakfast with Shakespeare outing. I had gotten tickets for the Waffle Faire beforehand and couldn't find anyone to join me. She did and I was so glad to have her. She appreciated all the Shakespeare humor we encountered. And it was great to be able to talk with her for longer than a few minutes. (Technically I visited with her and her husband a couple of weeks ago--I totally should have counted that as an outing!) She was one of my first friends in my current ward, as well as my VT companion for many months. I miss seeing and talking with her more often. I believe this Challenge has gotten me to the desire that no matter how introvert I am, I want to keep up more frequently on existing friendships and not just an occasional Hello.
Date/Outing #33-#38: I decided, in spite of my being very tired, that I would go to the midsingle BBQ I had seen advertised. I walked in and immediately went up to a mother and her two kids and started to chat with her. She was so nice and accepting and friendly. Yay! Introduced me to a couple of people we knew. And my introvert comfort zone was fine sticking with them through the duration of my time there. I did recognize quite a few people there. And maybe if I hadn't spent all me energies that month on the challenge, I would have gone around and caught up with them. But I was spent--physically as well as introvertedly.
Date/Outing #39-#68: We had our Cast Party for the summer musical I was in. Not everyone was able to come and yet there were still 30 there. I knew there would be at least 20. I could have just had that for an outing and had only a few dates. ;-) But that wouldn't have helped me meet my goal then. The Cast Party was probably one of the very best ways I could wrap up my challenge with. I had so much fun. Even if I was so very little involved in the show, I made some very wonderful friends from it. Ones who always made me feel included. I do miss seeing them more regularly, but I sure am glad I have such fabulous friends in my life now.
Date/Outing #69-#71: My birthday sleepover! 3 of my cast buddies came to my house for a sleepover. Still in the middle of it, as they haven't woken up and I need to go make us breakfast. Some of us will be going up to hear another fellow cast member speak, as he leaves for his mission in a couple of weeks. And at some point some of us will be watching last night's Women's Conference together. I love these girls--so glad they wanted to spend time with me.
So, there it is. I more than doubled my challenge, which I didn't expect at all. I well and fully met my goals in the challenge. And I created an absolutely memorable month.
Friday, September 23, 2016
That's what I get for being polite
Him: Ok I probably don't have a shot since I'm not LDS. But I did want to say that actor James Franco new movie looks so funny and good.
Me: Yes, sorry. I am only looking to date LDS men--I don't want to waste other men's time.
Him: You totally did talk about the movie lol you are too fool of yourself lol bye lol
Huh?
I talked about the movie? What is he talking about? I don't even know who James Franco is.
And because I don't want to waste other's time I am "fool" of myself?
WHAT?!?!?
And seriously, what all is there to be so lol-ing about?
I often hear of men who cannot handle rejection well. I suppose this guy is a mild case of that, which is still ironic considering he walked into the conversation ready to be rejected.
ug.
Me: Yes, sorry. I am only looking to date LDS men--I don't want to waste other men's time.
Him: You totally did talk about the movie lol you are too fool of yourself lol bye lol
Huh?
I talked about the movie? What is he talking about? I don't even know who James Franco is.
And because I don't want to waste other's time I am "fool" of myself?
WHAT?!?!?
And seriously, what all is there to be so lol-ing about?
I often hear of men who cannot handle rejection well. I suppose this guy is a mild case of that, which is still ironic considering he walked into the conversation ready to be rejected.
ug.
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
Guh-Ross.
Him: Hi
Me: I'm sorry--but your profile shows we have completely opposite aims in life as well as dating.
Him: Thats make me :( you should take a chance
Me: Uh no. I am on here to find someone to marry, not someone who is already married. I want to have children with my husband, not be with someone who doesn't want any more kids. And I want someone who shares the same religious beliefs, not someone who is non-religious.
Seriously?!?!?
Kid you not. His profile said his wife is "bi poler" and no longer needs him. He won't leave her because they have 2 kids, but that he misses kissing. BLECH!!! It is awful that this site has a marital status of "Not Single/Not Looking."
So, yes, there are all kinds on dating sites. But my profile is filled with information clearly stating that what they are looking for is not me.
Oi.
Me: I'm sorry--but your profile shows we have completely opposite aims in life as well as dating.
Him: Thats make me :( you should take a chance
Me: Uh no. I am on here to find someone to marry, not someone who is already married. I want to have children with my husband, not be with someone who doesn't want any more kids. And I want someone who shares the same religious beliefs, not someone who is non-religious.
Seriously?!?!?
Kid you not. His profile said his wife is "bi poler" and no longer needs him. He won't leave her because they have 2 kids, but that he misses kissing. BLECH!!! It is awful that this site has a marital status of "Not Single/Not Looking."
So, yes, there are all kinds on dating sites. But my profile is filled with information clearly stating that what they are looking for is not me.
Oi.
Monday, September 19, 2016
#34Before34 Part 4: Week 3
Date/Outing #15: I had a blind blind date. I kid you not. My friend was the only one to follow up on my pleas for help from friends to help me find dates to fulfill my challenge.
(May I just have a side vent that I get rather tired of people who like and like and like my question posts, but never do or say anything in regards to the question. "Who wants to come with me to this event?" Like. "Where can I find this brand of ice cream?" Like. "Does anyone know of any men I can go on a date with for a challenge? Like. Your likes do me absolutely no good! Those who comment--those are much appreciated! So I would like to say a huge thank you to the one friend who actually helped me date-wise on this challenge.)
So as she was setting me up on this blind, date, she told me a little about this guy. And one of the facts--he is blind. I couldn't--and still can't--help but find the irony. I will admit I was rather intrigued, since I spend 18 months working with visually impaired. He is not what we would term a total, but he is legally blind. Caused by spinal meningitis when he was very young. I picked him up to take him to a park for a walk. The walk was fine. I enjoyed near the end of the date when I was able to talk a little bit about visually impaired things with him. But the 40 minutes before that....I was completely bored out of my mind. At least it was not about a former spouse! It was about races and running. I may have been a long distance runner in Jr high and high school for track and cross country. And still run an occasional 5K. But the topic doesn't really interest me. I tried to ask other kinds of questions, but he always brought the conversation back to his running. I guess in all fairness he was completely distracted by the fact that the park we were in was one he ran a race in during high school.
Date/Outing #16: This was my first 2nd date in the challenge. It was with Date/Outing #3. We had set a date for the date, but no definite details since I was leaving it to him. I finally contacted him the day before and asked if he was still up for it. He was. Mentioned one activity idea. It didn't appeal to me at the time, so I suggested another and he agreed. We had time and all set. Even discussed it morning of. A couple hours later he messaged me to tell me he was laid off and really didn't feel up for the date that night. Understandable. So we cancelled. the date. I tried to see if anyone else wanted to have a last minute.
("Anyone want to join me for a movie night tonight? Like. *insert eye roll*)
It was a no go on that. So I got some yardwork done instead, and then watched a movie I had been wanting to for a while. I still had a good evening. Even if I was at home, I am counting the date to the point that we had the plans and I had expended some energy in the prep and plans for that.
Date/Outing #17: This was my second 2nd date in the challenge. It was with Date/Outing #4. I was not looking forward to this one because of how conversation was in between. It annoyed me so much! Conversation, when it happened, was rather humdrum for me. I didn't find his topics interesting, except for one or two that I had strong opinions about, which I definitely let out. Probably more profusely then I should have....
I admit I probably could have been a little better on this date, but in my defense--he planned a lunch date. May I remind (or inform) you that he is deaf. Yes he has hearing aids, but from my observation they only alert him to some sound. It seems that he mostly reads lips. Eating food. Talking. We've been taught it is rude to do the two together, but it is even more awkward, rude, and gross if someone is trying to read your lips if the two occur at the same time. And because he couldn't always hear when I started to speak, I pretty much sat in many awkward silences waiting for him to stop eating and look at me so I could say something. (Wondering if he gets awkward silences; not sarcasm or complaint--honest wondering.) So there was much waiting on my part. In silence. There was also that he kept thinking I had spoken when I hadn't, so he kept turning his head to me at random times to see my mouth. He also chose to sit beside me instead of across, so his head was at this funky angle to see my mouth, and he sometimes got a little close to my face to see my mouth. That was uncomfortable. The whole thing was uncomfortable. Uncomfortable subject topics. Uncomfortable physical space. Uncomfortable in a "cultural" situation that I was not as familiar with.
There was also the whole part of him talking fast, and he wasn't that easy to understand. But if I spoke fast (which is about 98% of the time), he couldn't understand me. He had to stop me to repeat myself slowly. Understandable. But he never slowed down for me. I suppose I could have asked him to slow down, but when I would say I didn't understand what he said, he thought adding signs to what he was saying fast helped me understand. No. Not really. That's just adding a foreign language on top of not understanding what you are saying.
He walked me to my car. We said goodbye. I was in the car and closing the door when he called out to me and returned to my car. So I had to get out and ask "What?" And he asked "So, will we be able to go out again soon?" My courage failed me. And instead of saying my "no connection" line, I said "I'll think about it." Oh my word. The parental long answer for "no." I couldn't believe I said that. But I did. And I think he got the idea.
Date/Outing #17: My third 2nd date, this one with #14. He met me after a ward activity and we went for a walk. Mostly we sat in the park. I was extremely tired by this point. Date/outing earlier that afternoon had left me close to tears because it was so unpleasant for me. I apologized a few times for my attitude, but this guy didn't seem to see me as being rude or tired or grumpy. He thought I was just loose. ......... OK. As long as he wasn't offended. We ended up back at my house and talking for another couple of hours. He definitely knows how to ask a TON of questions. And I have never been one shy of talking if I feel comfortable with a person. The conversation was fine. But it was enlightening. I experienced no growth or insight from it. I still don't feel I know him as much factually. Perhaps a little bit more in personality.
Date/Outing #18: My friend of many years came over--with 3 kittens!--and we caught up on our lives over the last few years. While playing with kittens. I have never been near kittens before. It was an experience!
Date/Outing #19: This, so far and possibly will be it, has been the only date during the challenge to come from a dating site. He did not know of my challenge until he had already asked to meet me for a date. He seemed intrigued by the challenge, and not intimidated or deterred by it. So we set our date and texted in the passing time. By the time we got closer to the day of the date, my introvert was fully on. (Possibly why I wasn't so impressive on the previous 2 dates.) I had kind of reached a point that I was not interested in the least and hoped the date would end within the first hour. But within the first 10 minutes I found myself completely and happily surprised that he wasn't at all what I had worried he would be. And that I was enjoying talking to him and listening to him, tiredly introverted as I was. I didn't want that date to end. We both agreed to end it after 2 1/2 hours because we had things to get to--after 4 times saying we needed to leave and then wondering off into another conversation topic. Conversation with him was the most equal and the most interesting of all the dates so far in this challenge. And he is the only date in the challenge where I found myself at the end excited for the next one (which, yes, we have agreed to have one; plans to be made later--because we had to stop talking to each other and go!).
Projection says he is my last date in the challenge, and the rest will be outings. They also say that the Girls' Ice Cream Night planned a couple of weeks ago may have to be cancelled--because I made callbacks for a show! But I still have book club, and a possible haunted house outing, and my cast party, and my birthday sleepover. This will be a busy week. And then Introvert may be appeased for a month before we enter the fabulous Halloween festivities!
(May I just have a side vent that I get rather tired of people who like and like and like my question posts, but never do or say anything in regards to the question. "Who wants to come with me to this event?" Like. "Where can I find this brand of ice cream?" Like. "Does anyone know of any men I can go on a date with for a challenge? Like. Your likes do me absolutely no good! Those who comment--those are much appreciated! So I would like to say a huge thank you to the one friend who actually helped me date-wise on this challenge.)
So as she was setting me up on this blind, date, she told me a little about this guy. And one of the facts--he is blind. I couldn't--and still can't--help but find the irony. I will admit I was rather intrigued, since I spend 18 months working with visually impaired. He is not what we would term a total, but he is legally blind. Caused by spinal meningitis when he was very young. I picked him up to take him to a park for a walk. The walk was fine. I enjoyed near the end of the date when I was able to talk a little bit about visually impaired things with him. But the 40 minutes before that....I was completely bored out of my mind. At least it was not about a former spouse! It was about races and running. I may have been a long distance runner in Jr high and high school for track and cross country. And still run an occasional 5K. But the topic doesn't really interest me. I tried to ask other kinds of questions, but he always brought the conversation back to his running. I guess in all fairness he was completely distracted by the fact that the park we were in was one he ran a race in during high school.
Date/Outing #16: This was my first 2nd date in the challenge. It was with Date/Outing #3. We had set a date for the date, but no definite details since I was leaving it to him. I finally contacted him the day before and asked if he was still up for it. He was. Mentioned one activity idea. It didn't appeal to me at the time, so I suggested another and he agreed. We had time and all set. Even discussed it morning of. A couple hours later he messaged me to tell me he was laid off and really didn't feel up for the date that night. Understandable. So we cancelled. the date. I tried to see if anyone else wanted to have a last minute.
("Anyone want to join me for a movie night tonight? Like. *insert eye roll*)
It was a no go on that. So I got some yardwork done instead, and then watched a movie I had been wanting to for a while. I still had a good evening. Even if I was at home, I am counting the date to the point that we had the plans and I had expended some energy in the prep and plans for that.
Date/Outing #17: This was my second 2nd date in the challenge. It was with Date/Outing #4. I was not looking forward to this one because of how conversation was in between. It annoyed me so much! Conversation, when it happened, was rather humdrum for me. I didn't find his topics interesting, except for one or two that I had strong opinions about, which I definitely let out. Probably more profusely then I should have....
I admit I probably could have been a little better on this date, but in my defense--he planned a lunch date. May I remind (or inform) you that he is deaf. Yes he has hearing aids, but from my observation they only alert him to some sound. It seems that he mostly reads lips. Eating food. Talking. We've been taught it is rude to do the two together, but it is even more awkward, rude, and gross if someone is trying to read your lips if the two occur at the same time. And because he couldn't always hear when I started to speak, I pretty much sat in many awkward silences waiting for him to stop eating and look at me so I could say something. (Wondering if he gets awkward silences; not sarcasm or complaint--honest wondering.) So there was much waiting on my part. In silence. There was also that he kept thinking I had spoken when I hadn't, so he kept turning his head to me at random times to see my mouth. He also chose to sit beside me instead of across, so his head was at this funky angle to see my mouth, and he sometimes got a little close to my face to see my mouth. That was uncomfortable. The whole thing was uncomfortable. Uncomfortable subject topics. Uncomfortable physical space. Uncomfortable in a "cultural" situation that I was not as familiar with.
There was also the whole part of him talking fast, and he wasn't that easy to understand. But if I spoke fast (which is about 98% of the time), he couldn't understand me. He had to stop me to repeat myself slowly. Understandable. But he never slowed down for me. I suppose I could have asked him to slow down, but when I would say I didn't understand what he said, he thought adding signs to what he was saying fast helped me understand. No. Not really. That's just adding a foreign language on top of not understanding what you are saying.
He walked me to my car. We said goodbye. I was in the car and closing the door when he called out to me and returned to my car. So I had to get out and ask "What?" And he asked "So, will we be able to go out again soon?" My courage failed me. And instead of saying my "no connection" line, I said "I'll think about it." Oh my word. The parental long answer for "no." I couldn't believe I said that. But I did. And I think he got the idea.
Date/Outing #17: My third 2nd date, this one with #14. He met me after a ward activity and we went for a walk. Mostly we sat in the park. I was extremely tired by this point. Date/outing earlier that afternoon had left me close to tears because it was so unpleasant for me. I apologized a few times for my attitude, but this guy didn't seem to see me as being rude or tired or grumpy. He thought I was just loose. ......... OK. As long as he wasn't offended. We ended up back at my house and talking for another couple of hours. He definitely knows how to ask a TON of questions. And I have never been one shy of talking if I feel comfortable with a person. The conversation was fine. But it was enlightening. I experienced no growth or insight from it. I still don't feel I know him as much factually. Perhaps a little bit more in personality.
Date/Outing #18: My friend of many years came over--with 3 kittens!--and we caught up on our lives over the last few years. While playing with kittens. I have never been near kittens before. It was an experience!
Date/Outing #19: This, so far and possibly will be it, has been the only date during the challenge to come from a dating site. He did not know of my challenge until he had already asked to meet me for a date. He seemed intrigued by the challenge, and not intimidated or deterred by it. So we set our date and texted in the passing time. By the time we got closer to the day of the date, my introvert was fully on. (Possibly why I wasn't so impressive on the previous 2 dates.) I had kind of reached a point that I was not interested in the least and hoped the date would end within the first hour. But within the first 10 minutes I found myself completely and happily surprised that he wasn't at all what I had worried he would be. And that I was enjoying talking to him and listening to him, tiredly introverted as I was. I didn't want that date to end. We both agreed to end it after 2 1/2 hours because we had things to get to--after 4 times saying we needed to leave and then wondering off into another conversation topic. Conversation with him was the most equal and the most interesting of all the dates so far in this challenge. And he is the only date in the challenge where I found myself at the end excited for the next one (which, yes, we have agreed to have one; plans to be made later--because we had to stop talking to each other and go!).
Projection says he is my last date in the challenge, and the rest will be outings. They also say that the Girls' Ice Cream Night planned a couple of weeks ago may have to be cancelled--because I made callbacks for a show! But I still have book club, and a possible haunted house outing, and my cast party, and my birthday sleepover. This will be a busy week. And then Introvert may be appeased for a month before we enter the fabulous Halloween festivities!
Friday, September 16, 2016
#34Before34 Part 3: Week 2
This was a much calmer week because I had TA training and my mini-vacation.
Date/Outing #9 & 10: While on my vacation, I met up with a couple of girls from the midsingles FB group who lived in that area. We had dinner. Enjoyed the get-to-know you questions. And had fun talking about some of the people we have been "meeting" on the FB group. They were fun gals and I really enjoyed our girls' night.
#9 also joined me for a Shakespeare play that evening. I provided the tickets. She got me a brownie. Mmmmm.... And we figured out that we have an ancestor in common. The play was amazing and we had a very great time laughing a lot.
Date/Outing #9 & 10: While on my vacation, I met up with a couple of girls from the midsingles FB group who lived in that area. We had dinner. Enjoyed the get-to-know you questions. And had fun talking about some of the people we have been "meeting" on the FB group. They were fun gals and I really enjoyed our girls' night.
#9 also joined me for a Shakespeare play that evening. I provided the tickets. She got me a brownie. Mmmmm.... And we figured out that we have an ancestor in common. The play was amazing and we had a very great time laughing a lot.
Date/Outing #11 & 12: I went Visiting Teaching. I am totally counting those. I was out of my house. I had one-on-one visits with 2 of my VTees. I had good conversations. Laughs. Some tears. Met the new baby. Helped solve a problem. Deepend friendships. Totally in the goals of the challenge.
Date/Outing #13: A good friend of mine (we met when I first moved back to Utah Part 3--one of my very first friends!) just finished school. She has a slight break, so we decided to have a get-together so we could catch up. It was 6 months since out last visit. We had a lot of catching up to do. She made me dinner at her really cute apartment and we gabbed for a couple of hours. OK. Three and a half hours. Worth it and needed it.
Date/Outing #14: So, this one was a little different. He had contacted me a week ago on Facebook--when all the other guys were volunteering to my challenge. Instead of saying "I'd like to be one of your dates," he came right out and asked me out. I was thinking "OK, I guess I'll go with that," though that wasn't supposed to be the plan. I didn't want the men to think I was begging for dates and they had to plan and pay for an activity. Since I wanted the dates, I was going to plan them (and pay if there was a cost). But I went with it, because who am I to refuse a man being a gentleman?
As it turns out, I learned on the date that he had no idea about my Challenge. Completely missed that post. He did see my post when I was trying to find someone to join me for the Shakespeare play. He said he had noticed my posts before and looked at my FB page. We had mutual friends and he had wanted to ask me out. According to him, "the Bard is the reason [he] finally asked me." So how about that? If I hadn't done my challenge at all, I still would have met my 1 date a month goal. :-) And it was a very nice date--best conversation I've had so far with all the dates (but excluding the outings).
Thursday, September 15, 2016
#34Before34 Part 2: First Week
This was my first week in my 34Before34 Dating/Outing Challenge. I set the challenge on a Tuesday and posted about it on a couple of midsingles Facebook groups, as well as my own Facebook page. The next night my challenge began!
Date/Outing #1 & #2: Two gal friends from my musical this summer joined me in watching my brother's play. It was absolutely hilarious--and they were THE BEST people to watch that show with. We found the same things funny, and reacted in similar ways. I wasn't embarrassed for laughing at all that I did, because they did, too!
Date/Outing #3: This guy responded to the request I posted on one of the Facebook mid-singles group page. He had actually reached out a few weeks earlier through a PM (personal message). We had a couple of exchanges, but I wasn't really into it. (I was in the middle of my musical and at the time dealing with the end of the repercussions with Jerk Boy. Not his official nickname, but I'll come up with one eventually. Mono Boy has been putting itself up for consideration.) ANYWAY! We met at a park and went for a walk so we could talk. He did most of the talking, but the conversation was interesting enough. A decent amount was about his divorce and his current re-settling. We managed books, too, because he knew I was a librarian. I didn't feel excitement or annoyance or disgust by the end, so I felt that warranted a second (which is scheduled for this weekend).
Date/Outing #4: Another guy who responded from the Facebook post--almost immediately. We met after my work shifts at Comic Con. Did some window shopping and sat to talk. I would say this conversation was about 75% him, 25% me, which seemed more than what I had with #3. Again, another guy who elicited no negative response, but nothing hugely positive either. Neutral often happens on a first, especially one where there was no communication/meeting beforehand. So we have scheduled a second date for this weekend. But I will admit that his attempts at conversation in between have been very random and rather annoying. Not boding well for 2nd date, but I think it will still be a pleasant enough time. And just an FYI, he is the first guy I have been on a date with who is deaf. He is deaf from birth, I believe. He has hearing aids, reads lips, and speaks pretty well. I just had to remember to face him more than I am used to. And occasionally I would say something he didn't understand, which--by the grace of my admiration of Helen Keller so that I taught myself in 5th grade--I was able to finger spell to him.
One interesting fact--he had told me through PM that he was deaf as well as divorced with no kids; he didn't talk about his first marriage at all on the date. This was amazing, because many divorcees that I go on a date with talk about it right away. Some in a good way. Some in a not good way. I don't think it is something that should be hid, or scared to talk about. But it can be a bit uggggg to have that be a big part of the conversation on your first date. So he definitely got a point for that.
Date/Outing #5: Another who responded on Facebook--practically on the heels of #4. We met at Temple Square after church so we could take a walk. He did almost all of the talking. About his two marriages. It was not as complain-y as it could have been; more along the lines of things he has learned from them. Still, it wasn't the most entertaining conversation for me. He said he wasn't looking for anything serious, but he wanted people to talk to and wanted to make friends. I am fine with that, because I was feeling absolutely no interest, and getting a little of the "I'm done with this one" vibe. What irked me the most is that he seemed to take my reasons for doing this challenge and thinking I was depressed, despondent, down with life. I tried to explain that I wasn't--I am actually quite happy, but I wanted to prevent any contemplation from reminding me of the tough things that I have managed to get through, grow from, or simply endure.
Date/Outing #6: I had a day off. So in the morning I met this guy--another Facebook responder (all 3 of these guys through the same FB group)--at a park to play a card game I brought. As random would have it, he is also deaf! Went deaf around the time of his mission, so his speech is quite clear, and he uses hearing aids. The game I brought had a few versions to it. So we would play a version and then talk. Actually, he would talk. About his three marriages. And talk about magnet for crazy, insane things. Just one of his many stories alone could have been a red flag. But all of his crazy stories together not only made for an uncomfortable, let-this-end-as-soon-as-possible date, but combined to form a huge deal breaker for me.
I am sorry, but I am not looking for a project. I am looking for someone on a somewhat equal ground as I am. Different backgrounds and experiences can still bring two people to an equal ground. But when one of your marriages happened because you thought you were on your way to a reception and after she had driven quite a ways you asked her where you were going and she said to Vegas because you were going to marry her and you went with it because you didn't know how to say no..... Very unequal ground, if not simply uneven. My word. That was actually painful with everything else I put up with in that date. It made me so relieved for
Date/Outing #7: Noon of my day off. This guy I have been friends with for a couple of years. Tried to go on a date but gave up after a couple of weeks of my busy schedule. Yeah. I wasn't highly impressed with that. But we're still friends. He saw one of my posts somewhere. So we met on the Jordan River Parkway and talked. It was nice and relaxing to have someone I already knew and be able to talk about whatever. You know what I find hilarious now? I thought he was late 30s. Maybe early 40s. A mutual acquaintance told me this week that he is 52. Well--beat my highest age in a date (though the 48 year old I went out with would be around 51 now, so....).
And that was the first week. *phew* The outing(s) was great, and 4 of the 5 dates were not as bad as I was worrying about. So, yay! Plus, just at the end of week 5 I had quintupled my goal of 1 date a month. Success all around.
Date/Outing #1 & #2: Two gal friends from my musical this summer joined me in watching my brother's play. It was absolutely hilarious--and they were THE BEST people to watch that show with. We found the same things funny, and reacted in similar ways. I wasn't embarrassed for laughing at all that I did, because they did, too!
Date/Outing #3: This guy responded to the request I posted on one of the Facebook mid-singles group page. He had actually reached out a few weeks earlier through a PM (personal message). We had a couple of exchanges, but I wasn't really into it. (I was in the middle of my musical and at the time dealing with the end of the repercussions with Jerk Boy. Not his official nickname, but I'll come up with one eventually. Mono Boy has been putting itself up for consideration.) ANYWAY! We met at a park and went for a walk so we could talk. He did most of the talking, but the conversation was interesting enough. A decent amount was about his divorce and his current re-settling. We managed books, too, because he knew I was a librarian. I didn't feel excitement or annoyance or disgust by the end, so I felt that warranted a second (which is scheduled for this weekend).
Date/Outing #4: Another guy who responded from the Facebook post--almost immediately. We met after my work shifts at Comic Con. Did some window shopping and sat to talk. I would say this conversation was about 75% him, 25% me, which seemed more than what I had with #3. Again, another guy who elicited no negative response, but nothing hugely positive either. Neutral often happens on a first, especially one where there was no communication/meeting beforehand. So we have scheduled a second date for this weekend. But I will admit that his attempts at conversation in between have been very random and rather annoying. Not boding well for 2nd date, but I think it will still be a pleasant enough time. And just an FYI, he is the first guy I have been on a date with who is deaf. He is deaf from birth, I believe. He has hearing aids, reads lips, and speaks pretty well. I just had to remember to face him more than I am used to. And occasionally I would say something he didn't understand, which--by the grace of my admiration of Helen Keller so that I taught myself in 5th grade--I was able to finger spell to him.
One interesting fact--he had told me through PM that he was deaf as well as divorced with no kids; he didn't talk about his first marriage at all on the date. This was amazing, because many divorcees that I go on a date with talk about it right away. Some in a good way. Some in a not good way. I don't think it is something that should be hid, or scared to talk about. But it can be a bit uggggg to have that be a big part of the conversation on your first date. So he definitely got a point for that.
Date/Outing #5: Another who responded on Facebook--practically on the heels of #4. We met at Temple Square after church so we could take a walk. He did almost all of the talking. About his two marriages. It was not as complain-y as it could have been; more along the lines of things he has learned from them. Still, it wasn't the most entertaining conversation for me. He said he wasn't looking for anything serious, but he wanted people to talk to and wanted to make friends. I am fine with that, because I was feeling absolutely no interest, and getting a little of the "I'm done with this one" vibe. What irked me the most is that he seemed to take my reasons for doing this challenge and thinking I was depressed, despondent, down with life. I tried to explain that I wasn't--I am actually quite happy, but I wanted to prevent any contemplation from reminding me of the tough things that I have managed to get through, grow from, or simply endure.
Date/Outing #6: I had a day off. So in the morning I met this guy--another Facebook responder (all 3 of these guys through the same FB group)--at a park to play a card game I brought. As random would have it, he is also deaf! Went deaf around the time of his mission, so his speech is quite clear, and he uses hearing aids. The game I brought had a few versions to it. So we would play a version and then talk. Actually, he would talk. About his three marriages. And talk about magnet for crazy, insane things. Just one of his many stories alone could have been a red flag. But all of his crazy stories together not only made for an uncomfortable, let-this-end-as-soon-as-possible date, but combined to form a huge deal breaker for me.
I am sorry, but I am not looking for a project. I am looking for someone on a somewhat equal ground as I am. Different backgrounds and experiences can still bring two people to an equal ground. But when one of your marriages happened because you thought you were on your way to a reception and after she had driven quite a ways you asked her where you were going and she said to Vegas because you were going to marry her and you went with it because you didn't know how to say no..... Very unequal ground, if not simply uneven. My word. That was actually painful with everything else I put up with in that date. It made me so relieved for
Date/Outing #7: Noon of my day off. This guy I have been friends with for a couple of years. Tried to go on a date but gave up after a couple of weeks of my busy schedule. Yeah. I wasn't highly impressed with that. But we're still friends. He saw one of my posts somewhere. So we met on the Jordan River Parkway and talked. It was nice and relaxing to have someone I already knew and be able to talk about whatever. You know what I find hilarious now? I thought he was late 30s. Maybe early 40s. A mutual acquaintance told me this week that he is 52. Well--beat my highest age in a date (though the 48 year old I went out with would be around 51 now, so....).
And that was the first week. *phew* The outing(s) was great, and 4 of the 5 dates were not as bad as I was worrying about. So, yay! Plus, just at the end of week 5 I had quintupled my goal of 1 date a month. Success all around.
#34Before34 Part 1: The Challenge
Lately I have only been posting transcripts of some of my online dating site conversations. I thought perhaps I should give an update on something more personal--especially something like this!
When August was almost over, I realized my birthday would be in a month. I usually do a lot of reflection in the weeks leading up to my birthday. At a quick glance, I could see that even though I have had another amazing year, I have also had some pretty tough things in the last 6 months--partly related to dating experiences, and partly related to my friends' dating experiences. I needed something that was going to keep me from staying home and moping or even just bemoaning. I remembered last year of hearing about a man who tried to do 30 dates before he turned 30. I felt prompted to give myself a similar challenge--34 dates before I turned 34. The biggest challenge: I didn't have a full month left to complete this! Oh well. Just attempting it would help me reach if not pass my general goal of one date a month. I also figured I would not limit myself to just dates, since I didn't think I could find 34 men willing to help in such a short time--or even 10 men who would go on 3 dates each with me. Thus, I broadened my challenge to outings with girls, because I need some more sister friends, and wouldn't mind improving friendships with some of my current girlfriends.
I figured I should blog about some of my experiences, so you know that
1) I'm still getting out
2) I'm still learning
3) Not all of my experiences in my dating world are as bad, awful, frustrating, ridiculous as my recent posts (and experiences) have indicated.
4) I do know how to get out of my Comfort Zone (even if the last year's worth of blogging and 3 years worth of dating practice didn't already "prove" that).
Be ready. Because they are coming in future posts.
When August was almost over, I realized my birthday would be in a month. I usually do a lot of reflection in the weeks leading up to my birthday. At a quick glance, I could see that even though I have had another amazing year, I have also had some pretty tough things in the last 6 months--partly related to dating experiences, and partly related to my friends' dating experiences. I needed something that was going to keep me from staying home and moping or even just bemoaning. I remembered last year of hearing about a man who tried to do 30 dates before he turned 30. I felt prompted to give myself a similar challenge--34 dates before I turned 34. The biggest challenge: I didn't have a full month left to complete this! Oh well. Just attempting it would help me reach if not pass my general goal of one date a month. I also figured I would not limit myself to just dates, since I didn't think I could find 34 men willing to help in such a short time--or even 10 men who would go on 3 dates each with me. Thus, I broadened my challenge to outings with girls, because I need some more sister friends, and wouldn't mind improving friendships with some of my current girlfriends.
I figured I should blog about some of my experiences, so you know that
1) I'm still getting out
2) I'm still learning
3) Not all of my experiences in my dating world are as bad, awful, frustrating, ridiculous as my recent posts (and experiences) have indicated.
4) I do know how to get out of my Comfort Zone (even if the last year's worth of blogging and 3 years worth of dating practice didn't already "prove" that).
Be ready. Because they are coming in future posts.
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
Love yer guts
Him: Hi, you are blessed with beauty, inside out... I like your pictures and profile, I would like to talk to you, hoping to hear from you soon, May God bless you
Oh what a little editing could do. Unless I am beautiful inside out. Who am I to scoff at the beauty of God's creations, even if it is one's innards?
Oh what a little editing could do. Unless I am beautiful inside out. Who am I to scoff at the beauty of God's creations, even if it is one's innards?
Still?
Him: Hiee. . nice pic. . Still pretty hot 😊
I have major suspicions of phishing, not just from his greeting.
But honestly, "still pretty hot?" Was I hot in a former lifetime and you remember that or something? Or am I just getting so old that it's surprising someone of my age could still have their looks?
*eye roll*
Block.
I have major suspicions of phishing, not just from his greeting.
But honestly, "still pretty hot?" Was I hot in a former lifetime and you remember that or something? Or am I just getting so old that it's surprising someone of my age could still have their looks?
*eye roll*
Block.
Monday, September 12, 2016
He is either Illiterate, Lazy, or Thinks I'm Lying.
Smokes.
Drinks.
Willing to sleep with someone before marriage, OK with sex after 1-2 dates, and enjoys meaningless sex.
Prefers science over faith.
Will not consider dating someone whose religion/spirituality is primary focus in their life.
Twenty years older.
Has a mullet.
And he messages me with "Hi sweetheart how you doing tonight?"
Excuse me, I feel a little nauseated.
P.S. Do they even bother to read my profile?
P.P.S. No, it doesn't say in my profile that I am not attracted to mullets. I thought that was a given. :-)
Drinks.
Willing to sleep with someone before marriage, OK with sex after 1-2 dates, and enjoys meaningless sex.
Prefers science over faith.
Will not consider dating someone whose religion/spirituality is primary focus in their life.
Twenty years older.
Has a mullet.
And he messages me with "Hi sweetheart how you doing tonight?"
Excuse me, I feel a little nauseated.
P.S. Do they even bother to read my profile?
P.P.S. No, it doesn't say in my profile that I am not attracted to mullets. I thought that was a given. :-)
Thursday, September 1, 2016
Uggg. And some Ew. And some eye rolling, too.
Him: heyy uu, yur cute af
Him: im mormon and a virgin. I like to get my sexual release through snapchat nudes. Do you?
Me: You are so obviously not mormon then.
Him: haha why?
Me: Research the religion a little. You'll figure it out.
Him: haha right
Me: Good luck in life.
Of course, I figured that af meant something. So I looked that up. Oh my word. The swear word I hate in abbreviated form? Ugggg. And that, of course, was the least of the UGGGGGGGGGGGGGs.
And now a series of gifs to let out the ugggggg-ness.
Silver lining: The guy who messaged just before this one at least only hinted at me joining him at a bar he had just discovered. So, proof there are levels of Ugg.
Him: im mormon and a virgin. I like to get my sexual release through snapchat nudes. Do you?
Me: You are so obviously not mormon then.
Him: haha why?
Me: Research the religion a little. You'll figure it out.
Him: haha right
Me: Good luck in life.
Of course, I figured that af meant something. So I looked that up. Oh my word. The swear word I hate in abbreviated form? Ugggg. And that, of course, was the least of the UGGGGGGGGGGGGGs.
And now a series of gifs to let out the ugggggg-ness.
This
And this
Definitely this
AND this
And especially this
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
You Can't See My Face, So I Will Describe: Disgust. All. Over. It.
(I kid you not--this is how he first messaged me.)
Him: Bummer. You would be so fun to corrupt.
Me: I guess I'll take that as a compliment.
Him: Absolutely. LDS girls are great in bed.
BLOCK.
Him: Bummer. You would be so fun to corrupt.
Me: I guess I'll take that as a compliment.
Him: Absolutely. LDS girls are great in bed.
BLOCK.
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Red Flags Everywhere
A guy who claimed to be LDS and even an RM. I don't get a lot of those online.
It's just sad when they say they are, and they still don't have similar values and morals as you.
We had exchanged hellos.
Got to what we do for a job.
I had to explain 3 times exactly what my job was.
That could have been a red flag, but others seem to have difficulty with my job title, so I let it go.
He was curious what I did in my job.
I mentioned the various storytimes.
Got a red flag when he thought my Sensory Storytime meant "erotic."
Of course, I explained it meant special needs. He laughed. Or wrote it out: "bwahahahaha."
Red flag number 2.
His next question: "What do you think of making out."
Another red flag. But I still answered. Said I am not a fan, especially as it got me close to being in trouble and getting hurt.
He wanted to know what I meant by trouble.
So I mentioned the recent guy.
And he wanted details.
Um...another red flag.
So I told him a couple of things the guy tried to do to me.
And he wrote out his laugh. "Bwahahahaha."
Red flag!!!!!
So I came right out and said "I'm sorry if you like making out, but I do not. Kissing means something different to me than it does to the men I am meeting. I have compromised before, and I will not do so again."
Within a few minutes, he blocked me.
Good riddance--because I was tired of seeing red!
Really? Really though?
I know there are good, worthy LDS men out there who respect women and have physical boundaries because they understand the importance of it as far as their being Priesthood holders, sons of God, and taking care of God's daughters. Please help me find them.
It's just sad when they say they are, and they still don't have similar values and morals as you.
We had exchanged hellos.
Got to what we do for a job.
I had to explain 3 times exactly what my job was.
That could have been a red flag, but others seem to have difficulty with my job title, so I let it go.
He was curious what I did in my job.
I mentioned the various storytimes.
Got a red flag when he thought my Sensory Storytime meant "erotic."
Of course, I explained it meant special needs. He laughed. Or wrote it out: "bwahahahaha."
Red flag number 2.
His next question: "What do you think of making out."
Another red flag. But I still answered. Said I am not a fan, especially as it got me close to being in trouble and getting hurt.
He wanted to know what I meant by trouble.
So I mentioned the recent guy.
And he wanted details.
Um...another red flag.
So I told him a couple of things the guy tried to do to me.
And he wrote out his laugh. "Bwahahahaha."
Red flag!!!!!
So I came right out and said "I'm sorry if you like making out, but I do not. Kissing means something different to me than it does to the men I am meeting. I have compromised before, and I will not do so again."
Within a few minutes, he blocked me.
Good riddance--because I was tired of seeing red!
Really? Really though?
I know there are good, worthy LDS men out there who respect women and have physical boundaries because they understand the importance of it as far as their being Priesthood holders, sons of God, and taking care of God's daughters. Please help me find them.
Friday, August 26, 2016
More evidence to my Ghosting Theory?
(Dating site)
Him: Hi how are you? I am lds too, love it and was hoping we could talk and get to know eachother
Me: Well, Hello! Thank you for reaching out to chat.
Him: You bet, how are you today?
Me: I am actually recovering from an illness, so I am exhausted. Mornings are always so hard with this! But work calls. How are you?
Him: I'm so sorry to hear that, I'm great just enjoying a day off lol
Me: Days off are fabulous. I could use a couple of those!
Him: Right?
Him: So you've gone through all the utah temples?
Me: Yes. It was my goal to serve in 15 Utah temples in 2015.
Him: That's so awesome i need to go through more i love it my favorite thing to go to the temple
Me: I adore temples. My total right now is seen 31, been inside 28, and served in 23. I hope to make those numbers go up much more!
Him: That's so awesome you are amazing
Me: :-) Thank you! I have to log off so I can head to work. Would you like to transfer this to emailing, or texting?
Him: Text would be perfect, _(#)_____ I'm _(name)____ btw
Me: Great! My name is _____. My # is ______.
Him: There's too many numbers there lol
Him: Ok never mind got it fixed my phone just glitched
He texted 3 minutes later. Over the course of the day we proceeded to talk about interests, his son, missions, his returning to activity in the Church, his mother passing on, eternal families. It was a pretty even conversation, as far as asking questions.
Him: Thanks you are very impressive and your love for the gospel is super attractive
Me: Thank you!
Him: Of course
Him: Do you have a pic of you?
Me: I don't have many on my phone, but here is one from last year at our family reunion.
[picture]
Him: You are so beautiful
Me: Thank you :-)
Him: Of course you are so welcome
Him: How's work?
Me: It is going well
Him: Glad to hear it when do you get off?
Me: ___[time]___
Him: Oh ok any plans after?
Me: Yep. My musical performance.
Him: Oh ya? What kind?
Me: ___[musical]___
Him: Oh wow what are you doing in that
Me: Just a small role at the dance and in the finale
Him: Wow very impressive, look at you go
Me: It is one of the things I like to do [as mentioned in early conversation just that afternoon...]
Him: That's so awesome
Me: Thank you
Him: Of course is it over? [asked only an hour after I had told him I would get off work]
Me: No. We haven't even gone on
Him: Oh ok
Next day, afternoon
Him: How are you today?
Me: I am well, thank you. How are you?
10 days later. Still no answer. Does this give me another piece of evidence to my theory in the previous post? I was asking him questions, showing interest. But I didn't fawn--asking for his pic (because I really don't care for one at that stage of a getting-to-know-you relationship), or what he was up to in the evening because I was in the middle of doing something. Maybe I'm on to something. Because why else would a guy go from repeatedly telling me that he thought I was amazing or impressive, to ghosting?
Not that it affects my faith in men, or my belief that my desires will be fulfilled one day. But my curiosity continues to be piqued. I won't turn in to a fawning girl to prevent it, but good to know in future I suppose.
Even MORE curious: according to my text messages, I noticed later the little exclamation symbol next to my picture, which is supposed to mean that the picture never got sent. So, did he really see my picture, or was he just stating I was pretty when there was nothing to look at? Hmmm....
Him: Hi how are you? I am lds too, love it and was hoping we could talk and get to know eachother
Me: Well, Hello! Thank you for reaching out to chat.
Him: You bet, how are you today?
Me: I am actually recovering from an illness, so I am exhausted. Mornings are always so hard with this! But work calls. How are you?
Him: I'm so sorry to hear that, I'm great just enjoying a day off lol
Me: Days off are fabulous. I could use a couple of those!
Him: Right?
Him: So you've gone through all the utah temples?
Me: Yes. It was my goal to serve in 15 Utah temples in 2015.
Him: That's so awesome i need to go through more i love it my favorite thing to go to the temple
Me: I adore temples. My total right now is seen 31, been inside 28, and served in 23. I hope to make those numbers go up much more!
Him: That's so awesome you are amazing
Me: :-) Thank you! I have to log off so I can head to work. Would you like to transfer this to emailing, or texting?
Him: Text would be perfect, _(#)_____ I'm _(name)____ btw
Me: Great! My name is _____. My # is ______.
Him: There's too many numbers there lol
Him: Ok never mind got it fixed my phone just glitched
He texted 3 minutes later. Over the course of the day we proceeded to talk about interests, his son, missions, his returning to activity in the Church, his mother passing on, eternal families. It was a pretty even conversation, as far as asking questions.
Him: Thanks you are very impressive and your love for the gospel is super attractive
Me: Thank you!
Him: Of course
Him: Do you have a pic of you?
Me: I don't have many on my phone, but here is one from last year at our family reunion.
[picture]
Him: You are so beautiful
Me: Thank you :-)
Him: Of course you are so welcome
Him: How's work?
Me: It is going well
Him: Glad to hear it when do you get off?
Me: ___[time]___
Him: Oh ok any plans after?
Me: Yep. My musical performance.
Him: Oh ya? What kind?
Me: ___[musical]___
Him: Oh wow what are you doing in that
Me: Just a small role at the dance and in the finale
Him: Wow very impressive, look at you go
Me: It is one of the things I like to do [as mentioned in early conversation just that afternoon...]
Him: That's so awesome
Me: Thank you
Him: Of course is it over? [asked only an hour after I had told him I would get off work]
Me: No. We haven't even gone on
Him: Oh ok
Next day, afternoon
Him: How are you today?
Me: I am well, thank you. How are you?
10 days later. Still no answer. Does this give me another piece of evidence to my theory in the previous post? I was asking him questions, showing interest. But I didn't fawn--asking for his pic (because I really don't care for one at that stage of a getting-to-know-you relationship), or what he was up to in the evening because I was in the middle of doing something. Maybe I'm on to something. Because why else would a guy go from repeatedly telling me that he thought I was amazing or impressive, to ghosting?
Not that it affects my faith in men, or my belief that my desires will be fulfilled one day. But my curiosity continues to be piqued. I won't turn in to a fawning girl to prevent it, but good to know in future I suppose.
Even MORE curious: according to my text messages, I noticed later the little exclamation symbol next to my picture, which is supposed to mean that the picture never got sent. So, did he really see my picture, or was he just stating I was pretty when there was nothing to look at? Hmmm....
Thursday, August 25, 2016
Working it out in my mind...maybe
Note: I wasn't interested in his profile. But I still had the guilty feeling of blocking so many men who were messaging me. So I thought I would converse, even if not fully.
Aug 12 7:23am
Aug 12 8:34am
Aug 12 9:34am
Him: Nice, what do you like to do for fun?
Aug 13 11:57pm
Me: Read, sing, dance, bake, host parties, be in musicals, exercise, play piano, play card/board games, be with friends and family, go camping.
Aug 15 7:26am
Him: Very cool, how was your weekend?
Aug 15 8:19am
Me: It was good. Rather busy on Saturday, which hasn't helped with me being sick. So I had to back out of a couple things last night so I could rest.
Him: Awe i am sorry, I hope you get well soon! Any plans this week?
Me: Thanks. I have a few more performances in my musical this week. And work, of course, with afterschool programs starting up again because it's back to school. Then on Saturday I get to meet Josh Groban. So it's going to be a pretty amazing week.
Aug 15 9:22am
Him: That sounds great! Glad you have a good week planned!
Aug 15 3:04pm
Me: Me, too!
Aug 15 3:48pm
Him: How's your day going?
Aug 15 5:38pm
Him: What are you doing tonight
Aug 15 6:10pm
Me: I have my musical performance tonight
Him: Oh nice!
Aug 15 11:10pm
Me: Yeah, it is pretty awesome
Aug 16 7:19am
Him: I bet it was!
Aug 18 7:39am
Him: Hi how are you doing today?
Aug 18 5:56pm
Me: I am well. You?
Silence. I'm not upset about it. More relieved. I just still find it curious. Maybe it is men don't pursue online when the woman isn't fawning all over them? True, I didn't really ask him anything--because I wasn't interested. But what of the men that I did ask questions who dropped me suddenly? I showed genuine interest, but certainly wasn't fawning. Maybe I've discovered the secret....
Aug 12 7:23am
Him: Cute pictures, how are you doing today?
Aug 12 8:34am
Me: I am very busy these days, but I am well, thank you.
Aug 12 9:34am
Him: Nice, what do you like to do for fun?
Aug 13 11:57pm
Me: Read, sing, dance, bake, host parties, be in musicals, exercise, play piano, play card/board games, be with friends and family, go camping.
Aug 15 7:26am
Him: Very cool, how was your weekend?
Aug 15 8:19am
Me: It was good. Rather busy on Saturday, which hasn't helped with me being sick. So I had to back out of a couple things last night so I could rest.
Him: Awe i am sorry, I hope you get well soon! Any plans this week?
Me: Thanks. I have a few more performances in my musical this week. And work, of course, with afterschool programs starting up again because it's back to school. Then on Saturday I get to meet Josh Groban. So it's going to be a pretty amazing week.
Aug 15 9:22am
Him: That sounds great! Glad you have a good week planned!
Aug 15 3:04pm
Me: Me, too!
Aug 15 3:48pm
Him: How's your day going?
Aug 15 5:38pm
Him: What are you doing tonight
Aug 15 6:10pm
Me: I have my musical performance tonight
Him: Oh nice!
Aug 15 11:10pm
Me: Yeah, it is pretty awesome
Aug 16 7:19am
Him: I bet it was!
Aug 18 7:39am
Him: Hi how are you doing today?
Aug 18 5:56pm
Me: I am well. You?
Silence. I'm not upset about it. More relieved. I just still find it curious. Maybe it is men don't pursue online when the woman isn't fawning all over them? True, I didn't really ask him anything--because I wasn't interested. But what of the men that I did ask questions who dropped me suddenly? I showed genuine interest, but certainly wasn't fawning. Maybe I've discovered the secret....
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
No Words
Him: Hi ___ how are you? You look very pretty
Me: Thank you for the compliment! I am doing very well. How are you?
Him: I'm doing great! How was your day?
Me: My day yesterday was good. No A/C at work, but a good performance for the musical I am in.
Him: What's the musical?
Me: _____
Him: Oh nice, that's way cool
Me: Yes, it has made for a fun summer
Him: We should go on a date sometime
Me: Ok. Let's figure out a time.
Him: What are your plans tonight?
Me: Last night I missed my show's performance to meet Josh Groban.
Him: Haha serious? That's awesome! Are you in trouble now for missing your show?
Me: No. They knew when I auditioned in May that I wouldn't be there, so we planned an understudy.
Him: I see that's cool you met him. Alright question time...favorite song, darkest secret, and person you'd like to meet most
Me: I have hundreds of favorite songs. One of them is "Abigail's Song." I don't know you well enough to share my darkest secret. And I have met quite a few people I have wanted to meet (e.g. Josh Groban), but I would love to meet more general authorities.
Him: Cool cool. Can you go out this week?
Him: Would it be okay if I asked you for your number?
Me: First I need to know if you're LDS or not. I love making friends of any religion, but I am very seroius about dating and finding my best friend to marry in the temple. Since only an active LDS man can give me that, I do not want to waste other men's time.
Him: Yes I am active LDS
Me: Thank you for telling me. I am already booked for this week. Not sure what next week looks like yet. But my # is _____.
Him: Thanks I'll text you.
(Texting)
Him: Hey it's ___
Me: Hi
Him: How was your day?
Me: It was ok. Very much ready for sleep.
Him: Haha same. You're pretty
Me: Thank you
Him: Hey how did your day go?
Me: It was all right. A/C still broken at work so it was pretty miserable by closing. But I got things done and that was good. How was your day?
Him: Mine has been really. Where do you work?
Me: Really what? I work at a library
Him: Haha. Sorry it's been really good
Me: Ah. Good to hear
Him: Lets get married
Me: Don't think so
Him: Ok bye
I question if his being LDS is true. Maybe he is. I don't know. But the silver lining: at least he was asking for something honorable like marriage instead of physical relations before marriage........
Me: Thank you for the compliment! I am doing very well. How are you?
Him: I'm doing great! How was your day?
Me: My day yesterday was good. No A/C at work, but a good performance for the musical I am in.
Him: What's the musical?
Me: _____
Him: Oh nice, that's way cool
Me: Yes, it has made for a fun summer
Him: We should go on a date sometime
Me: Ok. Let's figure out a time.
Him: What are your plans tonight?
Me: Last night I missed my show's performance to meet Josh Groban.
Him: Haha serious? That's awesome! Are you in trouble now for missing your show?
Me: No. They knew when I auditioned in May that I wouldn't be there, so we planned an understudy.
Him: I see that's cool you met him. Alright question time...favorite song, darkest secret, and person you'd like to meet most
Me: I have hundreds of favorite songs. One of them is "Abigail's Song." I don't know you well enough to share my darkest secret. And I have met quite a few people I have wanted to meet (e.g. Josh Groban), but I would love to meet more general authorities.
Him: Cool cool. Can you go out this week?
Him: Would it be okay if I asked you for your number?
Me: First I need to know if you're LDS or not. I love making friends of any religion, but I am very seroius about dating and finding my best friend to marry in the temple. Since only an active LDS man can give me that, I do not want to waste other men's time.
Him: Yes I am active LDS
Me: Thank you for telling me. I am already booked for this week. Not sure what next week looks like yet. But my # is _____.
Him: Thanks I'll text you.
(Texting)
Him: Hey it's ___
Me: Hi
Him: How was your day?
Me: It was ok. Very much ready for sleep.
Him: Haha same. You're pretty
Me: Thank you
Him: Hey how did your day go?
Me: It was all right. A/C still broken at work so it was pretty miserable by closing. But I got things done and that was good. How was your day?
Him: Mine has been really. Where do you work?
Me: Really what? I work at a library
Him: Haha. Sorry it's been really good
Me: Ah. Good to hear
Him: Lets get married
Me: Don't think so
Him: Ok bye
I question if his being LDS is true. Maybe he is. I don't know. But the silver lining: at least he was asking for something honorable like marriage instead of physical relations before marriage........
Monday, August 22, 2016
From 0 to Car Crash
He said he was LDS. He began the online conversation by stating that. Then asking what my favorite board game was. Next what types of movies I like. Then how my day at church was. And then for his 4th conversation topic he jumped to asking for my thoughts on physical affection, leading to what my thoughts on birth control and how I want my marital sex life to be--particularly ways in which we could "have fun" and not have to worry about getting pregnant.
Ummmmm.....
And blech.
Ummmmm.....
And blech.
Saturday, August 20, 2016
Fake Profile or He Doesn't Read
His Profile
About Him: I like hunting fishing and sports
How He Feels about the LDS Church: Hunting fishing and sports
No thanks.
About Him: I like hunting fishing and sports
How He Feels about the LDS Church: Hunting fishing and sports
No thanks.
Tuesday, August 9, 2016
Silver Lining?
Attacking my religion, my beliefs, my desires, my faith, and my choices is not going to make me look favorably on you.
While I am still hurting at being attacked, I know that will pass. Because I have spent my life having people attack me for the aforementioned things. It's never easy, but you deal.
I am posting about the experience because it completely amazes me that this guy continued to say he was interested when we so obviously differed on such core things.
I guess his attacking me was his way of dealing with my basic rejection of him/his beliefs.
At least he didn't do it with crude language or attacking the physical aspect of me as I hear unfortunately often happens.
While I am still hurting at being attacked, I know that will pass. Because I have spent my life having people attack me for the aforementioned things. It's never easy, but you deal.
I am posting about the experience because it completely amazes me that this guy continued to say he was interested when we so obviously differed on such core things.
I guess his attacking me was his way of dealing with my basic rejection of him/his beliefs.
At least he didn't do it with crude language or attacking the physical aspect of me as I hear unfortunately often happens.
Good Grief is Right, Charlie Brown!
Him: Saw your profile and liked what I saw. Let's chat and see if we work for each other.
Me: Thank you, but from your profile I can already see there are a couple of important things to me that we don't share. But thank you so much for the compliment, and good luck in your search!
Him: Which parts? I was filling things in really late at night and haven't finished it.
Me: For one, that God/religion are only somewhat important to you. I am looking for a man who puts that first in his life. And for another, you are OK with sexual relations before marriage. I am not.
If you read my profile, it would have saved this wasted time and conversation.
Me: Thank you, but from your profile I can already see there are a couple of important things to me that we don't share. But thank you so much for the compliment, and good luck in your search!
Him: Which parts? I was filling things in really late at night and haven't finished it.
Me: For one, that God/religion are only somewhat important to you. I am looking for a man who puts that first in his life. And for another, you are OK with sexual relations before marriage. I am not.
If you read my profile, it would have saved this wasted time and conversation.
Saturday, August 6, 2016
Another Winner
His Message:
Him: Hi know that I have one of if not the best heart. You have the beauty I seek. I am truly single and need a friend. Please let me know can we converse after reading my profile. Thank you.
So I looked at His Profile:
I know I do not look good. Nor do I have "money" yet. But I am 95% developed to have a very good feeling relationship with a woman; so I am rare; I spent 10 years writing a book on it.
So do you want a Brad Pitt or a me? We all look ugly after 55; so what would you have left? What kind of relationship would you had during all that time? 90% of marriages are bad; more than 50% do not make it (with kids spread out, hate and ...). Out of all the people you know of which truly had happy marriages?
So what do you want? Beauty or Happiness? Money or Contentions? Some people are going to win the lottery, get a person like me. Others may just be satisfied for a very short time; 99% of people. Which one is more rewarding? How many men do you know of spent enough time (like 10 years) to figure it out how to have a good relationship?
If neither of those had been a huge turnoff, his username being something along the lines of being a Love Doctor certainly would have done it on its own.
Him: Hi know that I have one of if not the best heart. You have the beauty I seek. I am truly single and need a friend. Please let me know can we converse after reading my profile. Thank you.
So I looked at His Profile:
I know I do not look good. Nor do I have "money" yet. But I am 95% developed to have a very good feeling relationship with a woman; so I am rare; I spent 10 years writing a book on it.
So do you want a Brad Pitt or a me? We all look ugly after 55; so what would you have left? What kind of relationship would you had during all that time? 90% of marriages are bad; more than 50% do not make it (with kids spread out, hate and ...). Out of all the people you know of which truly had happy marriages?
So what do you want? Beauty or Happiness? Money or Contentions? Some people are going to win the lottery, get a person like me. Others may just be satisfied for a very short time; 99% of people. Which one is more rewarding? How many men do you know of spent enough time (like 10 years) to figure it out how to have a good relationship?
If neither of those had been a huge turnoff, his username being something along the lines of being a Love Doctor certainly would have done it on its own.
Thursday, August 4, 2016
Seriously?
Me: Hello! How has your summer been so far?
Him: Ncmo?
Me: No thank you.
You couldn't even respond hello before your proposition?
Him: Ncmo?
Me: No thank you.
You couldn't even respond hello before your proposition?
So many things to learn...yay.
Had a guy Super Like me on a dating site.
And we matched.
The only thing on his profile:
Need a 420 chick!
And now I know what THAT means.
*sigh*
and ug.
Unmatch!
#marijuana
And we matched.
The only thing on his profile:
Need a 420 chick!
And now I know what THAT means.
*sigh*
and ug.
Unmatch!
#marijuana
Wednesday, August 3, 2016
FYI
To at least this girl, your profile picture of kissing a girl is not attractive in the least.
Nor is your admittance albeit honest that you are just looking for a make-out buddy.
Thank you for not pursuing me any further.
Nor is your admittance albeit honest that you are just looking for a make-out buddy.
Thank you for not pursuing me any further.
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
The Sound of Silence
Him: Hey, how's it going? You are so gorgeous
Me: Thank you. :-) things are going well. How are you?
Been over a month. Things must be terrible.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Him: Hey!
Me: Hi!
Another month gone by in silence. He must not have been able to think of anything else to say....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me: Hello! How is your summer going?
Him: My summer is going pretty well. How about yours?
Me: Really well. Busier at work than I had hoped, but that always keeps things interesting.
Him: Busy can be good. Better than bored stiff, I'd imagine. What do you do?
Me: I am a youth services librarian. What do you do?
Him: Market Research Analyst
Me: Nice
Him: I enjoy it. So what brings you to [dating site]?
Me: Looking to meet active LDS men
Him: Hi, my name is ______
Me: Hi. My name is _______
And then silence. It's been 2 weeks. I guess he didn't like my name.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Him: Well hello hello
Me: Hi!
And silence. Again, for 2 weeks. Perhaps I was too informal with hi instead of hello?
Me: Thank you. :-) things are going well. How are you?
Been over a month. Things must be terrible.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Him: Hey!
Me: Hi!
Another month gone by in silence. He must not have been able to think of anything else to say....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me: Hello! How is your summer going?
Him: My summer is going pretty well. How about yours?
Me: Really well. Busier at work than I had hoped, but that always keeps things interesting.
Him: Busy can be good. Better than bored stiff, I'd imagine. What do you do?
Me: I am a youth services librarian. What do you do?
Him: Market Research Analyst
Me: Nice
Him: I enjoy it. So what brings you to [dating site]?
Me: Looking to meet active LDS men
Him: Hi, my name is ______
Me: Hi. My name is _______
And then silence. It's been 2 weeks. I guess he didn't like my name.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Him: Well hello hello
Me: Hi!
And silence. Again, for 2 weeks. Perhaps I was too informal with hi instead of hello?
Monday, August 1, 2016
Further Adventures in Blocking--with gifs!!!
Him: You're beautiful and totally out of my league but I thought I would hit you up and give it a try
Me: I am flattered. However I am only looking for men who are active in the LDS faith. But best of luck to you in your search!
Him: I am active in the LDS faith
Me: And yet you are willing to have sex on the first date?
Him: Ha no I just clicked on something
Me: Well, you also marked that religion/God is not at all important in your life. I think both of those are important enough questions that the kind of man I'm looking for would take thought and make sure he answered how he honestly felt and believed.
Him: OK well sorry :(
Me: That's all right. Good luck anyway.
Him: Yeah
Lying won't help you get any closer to "my league."
Block!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Him: Hi, is stealing a sin?
Me: Yes it is.
Yes. That was the entirety of the conversation.
Two weeks later: Block!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Him: im moving to Utah...how long have u lived there?
Me: This is my 3rd time in Utah. This time I have been here 5 1/2 years.
Him: good, u can show me around
Me: If in a big group, perhaps.
Forward much?!
Block!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Him: There are hardly any single lds women in my ward that are white.
Me: OK....... ??
After 2 weeks of no further explanation--which I was worried about what it might be, I gratefully received no answer and followed suit of the other guys on this site--
Block!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Him: Great smile
Me: Thank you!
Him: Your lips
Me: Yes, like most people I have some. Two in fact.
Him: Four..
Me: What?
Him: You have two pair
Me: I'm not certain I follow, unless you are going somewhere completely inappropriate and disgusting.
Him: Well you doI only have one
Me: Yep. You went the inappropriate route. I do not find that attractive in any way, so you can just move on. Thank you.
Him: Good luck
Me: Same to you
Him: Thanks hun
Ug. I just threw up a little. How have I not learned my lesson?!?! As soon as he went from smile to lips, I should have blocked him. I just didn't think he'd go as far in such a horrible direction as he did. Ugggggg and Ewwwwww!
Oh, and "hun?"
BLOCK!!!!
Me: I am flattered. However I am only looking for men who are active in the LDS faith. But best of luck to you in your search!
Him: I am active in the LDS faith
Me: And yet you are willing to have sex on the first date?
Him: Ha no I just clicked on something
Me: Well, you also marked that religion/God is not at all important in your life. I think both of those are important enough questions that the kind of man I'm looking for would take thought and make sure he answered how he honestly felt and believed.
Him: OK well sorry :(
Me: That's all right. Good luck anyway.
Him: Yeah
Lying won't help you get any closer to "my league."
Block!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Him: Hi, is stealing a sin?
Me: Yes it is.
Yes. That was the entirety of the conversation.
Two weeks later: Block!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Him: im moving to Utah...how long have u lived there?
Me: This is my 3rd time in Utah. This time I have been here 5 1/2 years.
Him: good, u can show me around
Me: If in a big group, perhaps.
Forward much?!
Block!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Him: There are hardly any single lds women in my ward that are white.
Me: OK....... ??
After 2 weeks of no further explanation--which I was worried about what it might be, I gratefully received no answer and followed suit of the other guys on this site--
Block!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Him: Great smile
Me: Thank you!
Him: Your lips
Me: Yes, like most people I have some. Two in fact.
Him: Four..
Me: What?
Him: You have two pair
Me: I'm not certain I follow, unless you are going somewhere completely inappropriate and disgusting.
Him: Well you doI only have one
Me: Yep. You went the inappropriate route. I do not find that attractive in any way, so you can just move on. Thank you.
Him: Good luck
Me: Same to you
Him: Thanks hun
Ug. I just threw up a little. How have I not learned my lesson?!?! As soon as he went from smile to lips, I should have blocked him. I just didn't think he'd go as far in such a horrible direction as he did. Ugggggg and Ewwwwww!
Oh, and "hun?"
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