Ghosting in the Early Phases

Since I am coming out of a summer filled with disappointment and frustration, the first few posts of this blog might be a bit whiny, vent-y, etc. Granted, the disappointment was rather minor, considering previous life experiences. But it came during an extremely busy and thus stressful time. So it feels bigger than usual.

The frustration has steadily grown as my efforts in being social and my dating opportunities have increased. (Thank you, Dating Coach!) So while frustration is annoying, at the same time I am counting my blessings that I am having the opportunities that frustrate (as well as the few that don't!). I feel I have learned quite a lot over the last two years and I would rather have all the frustration among that growth and experience than to have none of it at all. (That's one of infinity traits that should help me a bit when marriage does come along!)

The current frustration is how much communication has died over the years. I am one who loves to talk and write (obviously). And I especially love to do so with people. I am quite attracted to men who can carry on intelligent conversation with me. That doesn't mean they have to have formal educations or prestigious jobs. But real conversation must be able to occur or I will get bored very easily. Unfortunately, I have to do much of my social finding online since the majority of the men I meet in person do nothing to further acquaintance. Online meeting can only do so much in communication before one needs to move it to at the least email, but better yet phone calls and hopefully soon to an actual in-person meeting (aka a date).

This is what my Dating Coach encourages. This is what I try. But I have had so many men--I'm usually good at keeping track, but there have been so many it hasn't been possible; I might guesstimate about 20--in the last few months ask for my number or my email. Half of them never use what I give. All contact ceases as soon as I give them what they asked for. Is this the Mormon equivalent of a one night stand? The other half initiate a text or email conversation, but after only 2 or 3 exchanges betwixt us, they stop. And let's not forget to mention those I'm easily conversing with on the dating sites and things seem to be flowing and showing interest and then suddenly they stop as well. Complete silence on all accounts. I have learned in the last few weeks that there is a term for this: ghosting. I just thought I'd be further along when that would happen. Pollyanna Positive Point (I like to do those a lot): At least the ghosting happens early on rather than later when I was more invested and thus more subject to being hurt.

I, being female, have analyzed and probably over-analyzed what in the world I'm doing wrong. I'm trying to be open and receptive as best I can in electronic mediums. I know I can only do so much, but I didn't think I was being stand offish or rude or whatever. It is painful to have progressed off of a dating site, thinking a man might be interested in meeting for a date, only to lose his interest in a few sentences/texts. It makes a girl seriously question her attractiveness if in person she isn't attracting anyone, and verbally/electronically she can't get anyone either.

The natural, frustrated me wants to blame them. And part of the blame has to lie with them, if only being that they didn't feel a connection. (Couldn't they have at least given me a chance?! Very likely a lot of future blog posts on that right there. Just to warn you.) But as I cannot change anything on their part, I am to look at my part. I know I'm not the most instantly attractive person. I have much to work on. But when I reach these frustrated times, and at times when my life is already rather busy, I'm just too tired and exhausted to self-analyze.

These are the times when I'm grateful for my beliefs. Because I know that all of this will pass. I know that my Heavenly Father and my Savior love me, and understand what I'm going through. I know if I keep praying and putting forth my efforts, I'll learn more about how I can be better and do better. And I'll get through and grow stronger from all this in due time and be more ready for future experiences, as well as more Christlike in general.

Another Blog, Another Outlet

I'm a writer. Not necessarily a good one. But it is vital to my being. The best way for me to figure things out, sort through what I'm feeling and thinking, and deal with all manner of everything has been through writing. It is a lifeline.

Thus if a single girl who loves to write needs an outlet related to that single part of her life, where else should she turn but...a blog!

Hence,

Welcome to my 11th Blog!

There will be moments of venting. Moments of laughing. Moments of sorrow. Moments of frustration. Moments of excitement Hopefully moments of joy. Throughout it all, there will be faith and hope in Heavenly Father--in His plan for me, in His love for me, and in His desire for my happiness.