Him: Hi
Him: You have beautiful eyes and hair. Nice lips too. You a girly girl... Do you paint your toenails too? ;)
Me: Thank you. I guess I'm a bit girly, but my 6 brothers thankfully helped to balance me out well. I don't paint my toenails. I think it's silly. I think I have had them painted 2 or 3 times in my life. And I probably only paint my fingernails once a year. My girlishness comes out more in my clothes and my hair.
Three days later
Him: You are very sexy.
Me: Ok. Thank you.
Him: Youre welcome. I hope you don't mind me telling tou...you have a very sensual body. Love your curves. Thick girls are hotter
Me: Thank you, though that is a bit of a turn off to hear that from a stranger
Especially one who proudly admits he likes soft and hard porn.
Update
Thought I had blocked him. Guess I forgot that step
Three days later
Him: My pic is up, pretty girl
Me: What?
Him: My pic. You said you wanted to see who you were talking to
Me: Actually, no I didn't. That must have been someone else.
Happily, he blocked me after that.
Good gracious....
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Thursday, June 23, 2016
Kill It With Kindness--or a Truthful Compliment
Him: Hey can we chat?
Me: Sorry. I am only on here to meet LDS men.
Him: LDS means??
Me: It is the abbreviation for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Him: Ohhh okay.. im a Muslim
Me: Yes, I saw that. So this won't go anywhere and I don't want to waste your time. Good luck in your search though!
Him: Well thank you. I never judge anyone by his/her religion and race.
Him: Thank you. Just want to say, i saw something special in you so i text u.
Him: Good luck to u too in your search. Take care
Me: It isn't necessarily me judging about another's religion. It is that I want to marry in an LDS temple and only an LDS man living the LDS religion who passed the temple worthiness interview can take me there. I used to go on dates with men of other religions, but since it wasn't going to go anywhere from there and I am looking for a serious relationship to lead to marriage, I didn't want to give those men the wrong idea or waste their time. Thank you for being understanding--you are one of the few men on this site who has been kind about and respected my decision.
Him: :) I understand
See how kindness, respect, and acceptance make this guy more manly and attractive? Very impressive. If I knew him in person I would be trying to find women for him to date. Don't hurt your networking opportunities. :-)
Me: Sorry. I am only on here to meet LDS men.
Him: LDS means??
Me: It is the abbreviation for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Him: Ohhh okay.. im a Muslim
Me: Yes, I saw that. So this won't go anywhere and I don't want to waste your time. Good luck in your search though!
Him: Well thank you. I never judge anyone by his/her religion and race.
Him: Thank you. Just want to say, i saw something special in you so i text u.
Him: Good luck to u too in your search. Take care
Me: It isn't necessarily me judging about another's religion. It is that I want to marry in an LDS temple and only an LDS man living the LDS religion who passed the temple worthiness interview can take me there. I used to go on dates with men of other religions, but since it wasn't going to go anywhere from there and I am looking for a serious relationship to lead to marriage, I didn't want to give those men the wrong idea or waste their time. Thank you for being understanding--you are one of the few men on this site who has been kind about and respected my decision.
Him: :) I understand
See how kindness, respect, and acceptance make this guy more manly and attractive? Very impressive. If I knew him in person I would be trying to find women for him to date. Don't hurt your networking opportunities. :-)
Language!
Might I make a request?
Even though I will vehemently be saying NO
to all your requests of such ilk coming my way,
could you at least ask it or refer to it
in a civilized, less offensive manner
rather than using my absolute least favorite swear word?
Thank you.
Even though I will vehemently be saying NO
to all your requests of such ilk coming my way,
could you at least ask it or refer to it
in a civilized, less offensive manner
rather than using my absolute least favorite swear word?
Thank you.
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
You Don't Own Me
Remember the guy from India, the one whose religion is Sikh and thought he would be able to enter an LDS temple? The one who refused to accept that I would only marry an LDS man in an LDS temple? I had hoped it was over. But this morning this came:
Him: If I accept lds , then will u consider me
Me: I might consider getting to know you. So you can look me up in a couple of years, but I doubt I will be available then.
Him: U aren't going anywhere. God knows for whom I m running on his path. He has to book u for me then and I presume he will do so . He has to do fare justice for me...
Me: Well that is a rather controlling, possessive statement. No, I am not for you at all. And my Father would never put me with someone so demanding and unable to give me what I want. Do not contact me anymore or I will report you to site administration.
Thankfully this site has a blocking feature as well as a Hide feature--it just took me until now to find it.
But I think I need to go a step further. All these men from other countries being pushy, disrespectful, and refusing to listen to what I am saying? I need to quit the site overall.
Him: If I accept lds , then will u consider me
Me: I might consider getting to know you. So you can look me up in a couple of years, but I doubt I will be available then.
Him: U aren't going anywhere. God knows for whom I m running on his path. He has to book u for me then and I presume he will do so . He has to do fare justice for me...
Me: Well that is a rather controlling, possessive statement. No, I am not for you at all. And my Father would never put me with someone so demanding and unable to give me what I want. Do not contact me anymore or I will report you to site administration.
Thankfully this site has a blocking feature as well as a Hide feature--it just took me until now to find it.
But I think I need to go a step further. All these men from other countries being pushy, disrespectful, and refusing to listen to what I am saying? I need to quit the site overall.
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
Chatting in French is Almost as Romantic as Hearing a British Accent....
Him: Speakers french
Me: Un peu. Mostly English. Sorry.
Him: :(
Him: I dont speak
Him: Just french
Me: Je regrette.
Him: Ah non ca va ne t en fais pas j aurais aimer te connaitre
Me: Mais je seulement sortir avec LDS hommes
Him: Ok
Me: Bonne chance!
Him: Merci jolie rose
Me: De rien. (Et merci pour le compliment :-) )
Him: C est vrai tu es jolie
Me: Merci pour votre gentillesse.
Him: Tu cherche koi sur se site
Me: Un LDS homme -- mon bon ami. J'espere se marier dans un LDS temple.
Him: Ah ok! pourtant tu es jolie!
Him: Dommage tu es loin si non tu sera ma femme :-)
Me: Merci, mais tu n'es pas LDS, oui?
Him: Lds ???
Me: Parlez dans le francais est romantique, mais j'ai besoin un LDS homme pour notre mariage etre eternelle. LDS = Mormon, ou Église de Jésus-Christ des Saints du dernier jour
Him: D une autre religion ?
Me: LDS - ca mon seule religion
Him: Ok si un homme d une autre religion veux se marier avec toi?
Me: Un homme d'une autre religion PEUX, mais je choisis se marier avec un LDS homme. Dans un LDS temple. mariage est eternelle. I veux eternelle.
Him: Pas juste ta religion
Me: Not to me
Him: Ok
Me: Je regrette. Mais merci pour le conversation! Et les compliments
Him: Et bien tu veux pas ! Même si j ai demander ta main :-)
Him: Ok
Him: Bonne chance pour toi
Me: Et pour vous
Him: Ou cas tu change d avis dit le moi :-)
Me: Nous voyons
Him: :-) T a l air adorable j aime
Me: Merci. Bonne nuit!
Him: Xxxx
But even if my French is paltry, it is the lack of mutual religions that is still my main hinderance.
Monday, June 20, 2016
An Example of One of My "Missionary Chats" with Non-LDS Guys Who Don't Understand (or Accept) Why I Will Only Date/marry an LDS Man
Him: Gurpreet this side. Wana have a word
Me: Sorry. I am only looking for LDS men.
Him: OK. I respect ur faith. But, if u think abt me then I m not here to change ur religion. U can keep ur religion for whole life staying with me in our house. I know how to respect others faith . Faith and life can go hand in hand. So, if u can also think like me and can think of Christ and a Sikh living under same roof. Then I m in.
Me: I'm sorry. The reason I only date LDS men is because I plan to be married in an LDS temple. Only an active and worthy LDS man can do that. I could never marry a man of a different religion because my religion is my most important thing in life and I must share that with the man I plan to spend life and eternity with.
Him: I m ready to marry in a Lds temple . Firstly we would marry in Sikh gurdwara then I will obey all religious rituals of ur community in ur temple. We would raise our children's in both Christians and sikhs. Now sayAnd I m not saying u to change ur religion. U can be in ur religion for ur entire life. I m not here to change anyones religion. It's just I like u at first instance .
Him: Can I expect any reply or u gonna again say I m sorry
Me: I'm sorry, but you are not ready to marry in an LDS temple if you are not LDS.
Me: I will only marry a man who is LDS. And only LDS, no other religion. And I will only marry in an LDS temple, no where else before.
Him: I m not Lds but can marry in lds temple because I believe God is one and exists in all temples
Me: That is not how LDS temples work. You have to be baptized in the LDS faith, and pass the worthiness interview, which refers to how well you are living the LDS religion. It is impossible for you to enter an LDS temple otherwise.So let us not waste each other's time. Thank you for your interest. I am flattered. But you will find success elsewhere.
Him: I m not looking for success. I m looking for love and my life partner. Ok I respect u . Thanks .. enjoy life.. but if u think my way.. I will be waiting for u ... because I think lds people r less in this world that's y still u r looking for one.. when someone is interested to join u in ur life, then also u won't let that happens. Ok fine .. have a lovely life.. my gates open
Me: There are 15 million + LDS people in the world. I am "still looking for one" because there were things I needed to take care of in my life before I was ready to truly search for my best friend. I will not be contacting you because I know want I want and you will never be able to offer that. Good luck in your search.
Him: Kindly clear me wht u want so that I can able to know if something can be changed in me then I will think .. but my views on religion are more liberal ... I believe many faiths can live under one roof because god makes many religion and when all r already living on this earth then y can't two people live peacefully
Him: I m not gonna interfere in ur religion and expects the same from u .. we r two souls first irrespective of religion. But if religions makes hiderence in this world the tell me how this world lives peacefully. Religion is for eternal peace and liberation of soul ... and it should not come in love of humans
Me: I know different religions can live under one roof. But I choose to marry a man who shares my same beliefs because it is the most important thing to me. I want a man who believes in our Savior Jesus Christ, and the Atonement he made as well as his Resurrection. I want a man who believes the same things about eternity and the life hereafter. I want a man who believes in modern prophets and follows their teachings. I want a man who knows, reads, believes, and loves the Bible, the Book of Mormon, and the Doctrine & Covenants. You can find out more about my religion's beliefs here: mormon.org.
Me: My religion is how and why I live my life. If my husband doesn't share that, it is too much strife and dissonance for me. That is why I choose a man with my same beliefs.
Me: Marriage is hard enough without sharing that extremely vital part of life.
Him: If I starts reading Bible then I m in ur life.
Me: And if I don't marry in the temple, then my marriage will not last beyond death. And to me, what is the point of that.
Me: No, you would have to do a lot more than just read the Bible.
Him: Wht
Me: Investigate the LDS faith. Read and pray about the Book of Mormon. Follow the teachings of ancient prophets as well as our prophets who live today. Honestly and sincerely accept the LDS principles for yourself and not because that is what I am looking for. Live those principles because you want to and love to. Be baptized into the LDS faith. Live the LDS faith. Become temple worthy.
Me: Sorry. I am only looking for LDS men.
Him: OK. I respect ur faith. But, if u think abt me then I m not here to change ur religion. U can keep ur religion for whole life staying with me in our house. I know how to respect others faith . Faith and life can go hand in hand. So, if u can also think like me and can think of Christ and a Sikh living under same roof. Then I m in.
Me: I'm sorry. The reason I only date LDS men is because I plan to be married in an LDS temple. Only an active and worthy LDS man can do that. I could never marry a man of a different religion because my religion is my most important thing in life and I must share that with the man I plan to spend life and eternity with.
Him: I m ready to marry in a Lds temple . Firstly we would marry in Sikh gurdwara then I will obey all religious rituals of ur community in ur temple. We would raise our children's in both Christians and sikhs. Now sayAnd I m not saying u to change ur religion. U can be in ur religion for ur entire life. I m not here to change anyones religion. It's just I like u at first instance .
Him: Can I expect any reply or u gonna again say I m sorry
Me: I'm sorry, but you are not ready to marry in an LDS temple if you are not LDS.
Me: I will only marry a man who is LDS. And only LDS, no other religion. And I will only marry in an LDS temple, no where else before.
Him: I m not Lds but can marry in lds temple because I believe God is one and exists in all temples
Me: That is not how LDS temples work. You have to be baptized in the LDS faith, and pass the worthiness interview, which refers to how well you are living the LDS religion. It is impossible for you to enter an LDS temple otherwise.So let us not waste each other's time. Thank you for your interest. I am flattered. But you will find success elsewhere.
Him: I m not looking for success. I m looking for love and my life partner. Ok I respect u . Thanks .. enjoy life.. but if u think my way.. I will be waiting for u ... because I think lds people r less in this world that's y still u r looking for one.. when someone is interested to join u in ur life, then also u won't let that happens. Ok fine .. have a lovely life.. my gates open
Me: There are 15 million + LDS people in the world. I am "still looking for one" because there were things I needed to take care of in my life before I was ready to truly search for my best friend. I will not be contacting you because I know want I want and you will never be able to offer that. Good luck in your search.
Him: Kindly clear me wht u want so that I can able to know if something can be changed in me then I will think .. but my views on religion are more liberal ... I believe many faiths can live under one roof because god makes many religion and when all r already living on this earth then y can't two people live peacefully
Him: I m not gonna interfere in ur religion and expects the same from u .. we r two souls first irrespective of religion. But if religions makes hiderence in this world the tell me how this world lives peacefully. Religion is for eternal peace and liberation of soul ... and it should not come in love of humans
Me: I know different religions can live under one roof. But I choose to marry a man who shares my same beliefs because it is the most important thing to me. I want a man who believes in our Savior Jesus Christ, and the Atonement he made as well as his Resurrection. I want a man who believes the same things about eternity and the life hereafter. I want a man who believes in modern prophets and follows their teachings. I want a man who knows, reads, believes, and loves the Bible, the Book of Mormon, and the Doctrine & Covenants. You can find out more about my religion's beliefs here: mormon.org.
Me: My religion is how and why I live my life. If my husband doesn't share that, it is too much strife and dissonance for me. That is why I choose a man with my same beliefs.
Me: Marriage is hard enough without sharing that extremely vital part of life.
Him: If I starts reading Bible then I m in ur life.
Me: And if I don't marry in the temple, then my marriage will not last beyond death. And to me, what is the point of that.
Me: No, you would have to do a lot more than just read the Bible.
Him: Wht
Me: Investigate the LDS faith. Read and pray about the Book of Mormon. Follow the teachings of ancient prophets as well as our prophets who live today. Honestly and sincerely accept the LDS principles for yourself and not because that is what I am looking for. Live those principles because you want to and love to. Be baptized into the LDS faith. Live the LDS faith. Become temple worthy.
Saturday, June 18, 2016
Being Nice and Honest--It Does Work!
Him: Hey,
Just saw your profile and I think you are really kool. I graduated from MSU and moved to salt lake this June.
I'm used to hanging out with friends a lot during weekends. But moving to salt lake changed my life all of a sudden. I literally don't know anybody in the city and its weird that I have no plans for the weekends.
Hence, I'm trying reaching out to new people to make new friends and get adjusted to life here.
If you are interested, I would love to get to know more about you.
Me: Hello! I am on here to find LDS men to date, not just to hang out. I've been doing the hanging out with men I meet in person as well as online for a few years, and I just don't have time to waste on that anymore. I am looking for something serious.
But welcome to Salt Lake. I am not from here, but have really come to love it. I would recommend joining some MeetUp groups--they are REALLY popular here in Salt Lake and you can join many that correlate with your interests. (I am part of a board game one, an Ultimate one, a theater one, etc.) You will meet people so quickly that way.
I also recommend looking up your nearest LDS Young Single Adult (YSA) ward. Even if you have no interest in the Church, they are always doing scads of activities and you'll make friends quite easily there. Good luck. I hope you come to enjoy Salt Lake as much as I have.
Him: Hello, I totally understand and thank you so much for the information. I'll check it out.
Thank you once again!
Me: You are most welcome
Kindness. Respect. Simply being nice. My Goddess coach was right--if I look for that, I will see those traits around me. And it is reassuring that these men exist.
Just saw your profile and I think you are really kool. I graduated from MSU and moved to salt lake this June.
I'm used to hanging out with friends a lot during weekends. But moving to salt lake changed my life all of a sudden. I literally don't know anybody in the city and its weird that I have no plans for the weekends.
Hence, I'm trying reaching out to new people to make new friends and get adjusted to life here.
If you are interested, I would love to get to know more about you.
Me: Hello! I am on here to find LDS men to date, not just to hang out. I've been doing the hanging out with men I meet in person as well as online for a few years, and I just don't have time to waste on that anymore. I am looking for something serious.
But welcome to Salt Lake. I am not from here, but have really come to love it. I would recommend joining some MeetUp groups--they are REALLY popular here in Salt Lake and you can join many that correlate with your interests. (I am part of a board game one, an Ultimate one, a theater one, etc.) You will meet people so quickly that way.
I also recommend looking up your nearest LDS Young Single Adult (YSA) ward. Even if you have no interest in the Church, they are always doing scads of activities and you'll make friends quite easily there. Good luck. I hope you come to enjoy Salt Lake as much as I have.
Him: Hello, I totally understand and thank you so much for the information. I'll check it out.
Thank you once again!
Me: You are most welcome
Kindness. Respect. Simply being nice. My Goddess coach was right--if I look for that, I will see those traits around me. And it is reassuring that these men exist.
Friday, June 17, 2016
More Experiences, and What I am Learning
Persistent Men. Or so it seems, as none of them offering to become LDS have yet to respond back after I mention Heavenly Father and the Savior being a part of that whole LDS thing. This guy at least had a faith in the Savior.
Monday - 10:27pm
Him: Hello miss Beautiful
Me: Hi
Him: How are you miss cutie
Me: I am well. Getting ready to head to sleep
Him: Aww well I hope your day was as radiant and beautiful and your smile
Me: Thank you. Good night! Or whatever time it is there.
Him: No problem talk wen you up :) Of it's OK for you
Me: I guess we'll see if our schedules mesh!
Him: I will match that schedules for you
Me: OK, but you should probably know that I am ok with chatting, however I only date active LDS men because I would like to find my best friend and be sealed to them in the temple. I don't want to waste other men's time if they cannot offer that to me. Even if that is just through chatting.
Him: You would find me one of the best guys you met and LDS would work
Me: Except you drink. And you say being Christian is not important to you. It is hugely important to me and being LDS is an extreme life change. Plus, I don't date men who are investigating the Church because I want them to join because of their belief in and love of Heavenly Father and the Savior, and nothing to do with me.
Him: I mean I am christian but I would accept the lady of other religion and I Do believe in Lord Jesus Christ he is Everything for me !
Me: Which is great. But only an LDS man can take me to the temple, and that is my goal. I want my marriage to be eternal. So I don't want to waste other men's time.
Him: I would take you where ever you want !
Me: Well, you can start with this. https://www.mormon.org/missionaries
Enjoy! And good night!
Him: OK I will do it goodnight
I haven't heard from him since. Who knows--maybe he is actually investigating. Though I find it sketchy that all the ones ready to change their religion so easily because of me are from different countries....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At least the Greek Egyptian Christian Muslim man I had a date with last week (who in a roundabout way lied about being LDS) was upfront on looking in to the religion more, but forewarning me through his speech and actions that he was extremely open-minded. I got no sincerity from him in his honestly wanting to know about our religion. He was only interested in the fact that I also do not smoke, or drink, or have sexual relations outside of marriage. Which it is nice to actually be admired for the lifestyle I have chosen. But he did not care about the religion that influences my decisions in that.
And most importantly, he would not take any of my No's as answers about anything he was asking, including that I did not want to date him.
I stopped answering his messages--I am hoping that is the end of that. Though I did learn in this situation that I should have trusted my gut feeling, which turned out to be absolutely correct in this situation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But we do have the men who graciously accept the boundary and standard I have given myself.
Him: Hey can we meet for lunch tomorrow? I like get to know you
Me: I'm sorry. I only date active LDS men because I would like to find my best friend and be sealed to them in the temple. I don't want to waste other men's time if they cannot offer that to me. Thank you though.
Him: Good luck
Me: Thank you. You, too.
I have so much more respect for them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Or the ones who open either way, and upfront and cheerful and not as desperate sounding.
Him: Hey there. Going to be in _____ visiting family next week and I'm looking to have some fun during my trip. Thought you were gorgeous so I wanted to say hi. If you're interested, drop me a line but if not understand. Either way I hope you have a fantastic weekend! Hope to hear from you soon.
Me: Hello. Thank you for the compliment. However, I am looking to meet active LDS men because I would like to find my best friend and be sealed to them in the temple. I don't want to waste other men's time if they cannot offer that to me. Thank you though. I hope you enjoy visiting _____. I am not from here, but I have come to love it.
Still keeps my respect.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Even the ones who are completely honest and upfront, like the guy who matched with me on Tinder.
Me: Hello! How was your weekend?
Him: My weekend was great. I'm an honest guy so I always play it straight. You're a beautiful girl! I use tinder for reasons that are so far beneath a girl like you. Is [I'd] never attempt or want to compromise you. I respect your values and wish you the best of luck there are so many dishonest lying creeps on here so please don't get yourself hurt.
Me: Thank you for your honesty and consideration. I really appreciate that. And I am doing my best to be careful on here. Thank you again.
So much of a difference when they aren't trying to take advantage of me, or not listen to me, or proclaim stuff they won't do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For the last few months I have been on the most severe roller coaster in disappointment, frustration, and tiredness from online dating. But last Sunday in church, I was pondering what I am to be learning from this trial, as it is the main trial of my life right now (particularly the online dating portion of the Social Life/Dating Trial). And it came to me that I need to learn how to be more positive, more forward thinking, less discouraged, and less complain-y than I have been. Because I will endure so many other trials in my life, and I will need to know and apply these lessons there as well.
Thus I am trying to look at these little encounters and situations with gratitude and humor and positivity as much as I can. Always something to learn. Always something to gain. And I can do so cheerfully. So let's see how I do!
Monday - 10:27pm
Him: Hello miss Beautiful
Me: Hi
Him: How are you miss cutie
Me: I am well. Getting ready to head to sleep
Him: Aww well I hope your day was as radiant and beautiful and your smile
Me: Thank you. Good night! Or whatever time it is there.
Him: No problem talk wen you up :) Of it's OK for you
Me: I guess we'll see if our schedules mesh!
Him: I will match that schedules for you
Me: OK, but you should probably know that I am ok with chatting, however I only date active LDS men because I would like to find my best friend and be sealed to them in the temple. I don't want to waste other men's time if they cannot offer that to me. Even if that is just through chatting.
Him: You would find me one of the best guys you met and LDS would work
Me: Except you drink. And you say being Christian is not important to you. It is hugely important to me and being LDS is an extreme life change. Plus, I don't date men who are investigating the Church because I want them to join because of their belief in and love of Heavenly Father and the Savior, and nothing to do with me.
Him: I mean I am christian but I would accept the lady of other religion and I Do believe in Lord Jesus Christ he is Everything for me !
Me: Which is great. But only an LDS man can take me to the temple, and that is my goal. I want my marriage to be eternal. So I don't want to waste other men's time.
Him: I would take you where ever you want !
Me: Well, you can start with this. https://www.mormon.org/missionaries
Enjoy! And good night!
Him: OK I will do it goodnight
I haven't heard from him since. Who knows--maybe he is actually investigating. Though I find it sketchy that all the ones ready to change their religion so easily because of me are from different countries....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At least the Greek Egyptian Christian Muslim man I had a date with last week (who in a roundabout way lied about being LDS) was upfront on looking in to the religion more, but forewarning me through his speech and actions that he was extremely open-minded. I got no sincerity from him in his honestly wanting to know about our religion. He was only interested in the fact that I also do not smoke, or drink, or have sexual relations outside of marriage. Which it is nice to actually be admired for the lifestyle I have chosen. But he did not care about the religion that influences my decisions in that.
And most importantly, he would not take any of my No's as answers about anything he was asking, including that I did not want to date him.
I stopped answering his messages--I am hoping that is the end of that. Though I did learn in this situation that I should have trusted my gut feeling, which turned out to be absolutely correct in this situation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But we do have the men who graciously accept the boundary and standard I have given myself.
Him: Hey can we meet for lunch tomorrow? I like get to know you
Me: I'm sorry. I only date active LDS men because I would like to find my best friend and be sealed to them in the temple. I don't want to waste other men's time if they cannot offer that to me. Thank you though.
Him: Good luck
Me: Thank you. You, too.
I have so much more respect for them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Or the ones who open either way, and upfront and cheerful and not as desperate sounding.
Him: Hey there. Going to be in _____ visiting family next week and I'm looking to have some fun during my trip. Thought you were gorgeous so I wanted to say hi. If you're interested, drop me a line but if not understand. Either way I hope you have a fantastic weekend! Hope to hear from you soon.
Me: Hello. Thank you for the compliment. However, I am looking to meet active LDS men because I would like to find my best friend and be sealed to them in the temple. I don't want to waste other men's time if they cannot offer that to me. Thank you though. I hope you enjoy visiting _____. I am not from here, but I have come to love it.
Still keeps my respect.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Even the ones who are completely honest and upfront, like the guy who matched with me on Tinder.
Me: Hello! How was your weekend?
Him: My weekend was great. I'm an honest guy so I always play it straight. You're a beautiful girl! I use tinder for reasons that are so far beneath a girl like you. Is [I'd] never attempt or want to compromise you. I respect your values and wish you the best of luck there are so many dishonest lying creeps on here so please don't get yourself hurt.
Me: Thank you for your honesty and consideration. I really appreciate that. And I am doing my best to be careful on here. Thank you again.
So much of a difference when they aren't trying to take advantage of me, or not listen to me, or proclaim stuff they won't do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For the last few months I have been on the most severe roller coaster in disappointment, frustration, and tiredness from online dating. But last Sunday in church, I was pondering what I am to be learning from this trial, as it is the main trial of my life right now (particularly the online dating portion of the Social Life/Dating Trial). And it came to me that I need to learn how to be more positive, more forward thinking, less discouraged, and less complain-y than I have been. Because I will endure so many other trials in my life, and I will need to know and apply these lessons there as well.
Thus I am trying to look at these little encounters and situations with gratitude and humor and positivity as much as I can. Always something to learn. Always something to gain. And I can do so cheerfully. So let's see how I do!
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
Uggggg: Conversations on an Online Dating Site
hey wanna new bikini?
Me: What?!
would you like a new bikini? :)
Me: I can't even imagine where this line of questioning is leading, so I'm just going to delete this conversation.
hmm well i would ask you on a hike if you want one
Me: I don't wear them. So there goes that idea.
sad
Me: In many ways
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
His opening message:
Have you ever considered dominating a younger man? You're very beautiful.
My ending message:
I don't think I want to know what you mean by dominating. I am attracted to younger and older men, particularly respectful ones who are LDS. But thank you for the compliment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From a guy that we actually mutually liked each other
Him: Hello gorgeous LDS woman 😍
Me: Hi. How are you this evening?
It's been a week. I still haven't received a response. Must have been a terrible evening.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
His opening message:
Have you ever considered dominating a younger man? You're very beautiful.
My ending message:
I don't think I want to know what you mean by dominating. I am attracted to younger and older men, particularly respectful ones who are LDS. But thank you for the compliment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From a guy that we actually mutually liked each other
Him: Hello gorgeous LDS woman 😍
Me: Hi. How are you this evening?
It's been a week. I still haven't received a response. Must have been a terrible evening.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why did I waste my time and energy?
Today's dating frustration that needs venting:
Does this guy honestly think that because he keeps telling me I am hot that suddenly I am going to change the physical boundaries I have set in a dating relationship--particularly the early stages of a dating relationship? Stages I have explained to him more than once.
I just....
I don't....
I can't even finish a sentence of a thought!!!
I don't know how to feel. I'm too "aaaaagggghhhh-eeehhhhh-aaaarrrgghh-uuuuggg" to do a Feelings Check. Unless that is the feeling. Anyone want to define that one for me?
You know what. I will just type up our text conversations from the last few days. I'll just leave it there for you to see. And then I'm going to go check in with my Inner Goddess.
(Please note that before these conversations, there had been talk on the online dating site about physical affection. Twice. He wanted a lot, admitted he could "do things"--but nothing that was sinning, and knew I was trouble for him. I told him I waited a while before I let that enter a relationship. He didn't respond for a few days, then suddenly got on and asked to chat with me through text. So the following was not the first time he broached this subject, or the first time I had answered him.)
Saturday
Him: Did you have a fun party?
Me: Yes, we had fun. It helps that she is one of my very best friends.
Him: That's great :-) you will have no trouble pleasing your husband with a wide selection of food it appears
Me: Yeah, except that spread will only happen if there is an income that can cover it!
Him: Haha. That's very good to point out :-) what are you looking for?
Me: I am looking for a socially strong and confident man who reciprocates my passion for life and its many varied joys and adventures. I like a man who converses easily where conversation flows easily to and from many various topics, and the conversing is naturally equal on both sides. I like a man who makes me feel comfortable, confident, attractive. I like him to make me laugh, it is easy to be with him, and life is fun and exciting with him. I also like him to be appropriate and respectful of the boundaries I have which are there for reasons.
Him: Wow. Very descriptive. Thanks!
Me: Well, I am asked a lot. I've also had a lot of time to think on it and had plenty of dates and experiences with men to help me figure it out.
Him: Sounds great
Him: Can I tell you something?
Me: Okay
Him: I'm very respectful. Very affectionate. Very open and honest. I love the same in return. Compliments. Massages. Kisses.
Me: Okay
Him: ?
Me: I don't know how else to respond
Him: Ok. You can disagree. I just wonder what you think.
Me: Disagree about what? Think about what? About the level of affection I want in a relationship?
Him: Yes. Just how you are. If you're affectionate. If you like being held. Kissed.
Me: My love language is physical touch. But I also am very careful about letting the physical enter a relationship too soon. Physical affection implies a much deeper connection and commitment for me than it does most of the men I meet. I compromised before, and I refuse to do it again. I also hold off because if it enters a relationship too soon, it will become the focus of a relationship. Once it is right for it to be there, I absolutely love that element.
Him: Ok. I really appreciate that. Thanks
Me: You're welcome
Him: Idk if you could ever like me
Me: And why would you think that
Him: I am a fast mover.
Me: If you were truly interested in who I am and not just what I have to offer physically, then I would think the respect you say you have would come in to play until I was ready. But you know yourself better than I do, so...yeah
Him: Ok
Me: Then I guess it is your choice of what you want to happen here
Him: It's your choice just as much as mine
Me: I've told you where I stand. It is your choice if you want to continue or not
Him: Ok.
Him: So no touch at all for how many dates usually?
Me: I don't set a number. If I feel a connection I may hold hands as soon as a first date. I would enjoy hugs, and arms around each other and such. But I do not kiss until we're exclusive.
Him: Good to know
Sunday
Him: Good morning beautiful
Me: Thank you, and good afternoon to you!
Him: Thank you :-)
Monday
Him: Hey how was your day?
Me: Not bad. A/C was broken at work, but it was first night of musical practice and that made up for the long, hot day
Him: Oh that makes a long day
Me: Yes indeed. How was yours?
Him: Pretty good thanks! Want a pic of me this morning?
Me: I don't know--do I?
Him: Yes I think?
Me: Very well
Sends pic
Me: You look surprised that you are going to work.
Him: Haha :-)
Him: Can I have one of you please?
Me: Well, the most recent I have is from a few weeks ago.
I send picture
Him: Hottie
Me: Thank you
Him: Sure. I'd prob end up playing with your hair
Me: That only bothers me if I took a lot of time to fix it, or I need it to be presentable later
Him: Do you like it?
Me: Having my hair played with?
Him: Yes
Me: Well, yes, except for the two scenarios previously stated
Him: Ok. I'm highly physical.
Me: Yeah. I got that.
Him: And you're not?
Me: We've kind of already had this discussion.
Him: Ok
Wednesday (tonight)
Him: You are in trouble
Me: And why is that?
Him: Cuz lol
Me: Ok....
Him: I think you're hot
Me: Ok
Me: Thank you
Him: I don't think you can handle me
Me: I think we have had this discussion before, too.
Him: Do you want to meet?
Me: Ok. When is a good time for you?
Him: Remind me again where you live?
Me: I am in ______. But I didn't mean when tonight. I meant when in the next 3 weeks.
Him: You schedule 3 weeks in advance?
Me: I know I have a lot of things scheduled in the next 3 weeks, so us finding mutual time to meet could take that long
Him: Ok
(Half hour later--because honestly I wanted to get this over with. I had no desire to meet with him from the moment he started texting me. But I figured one date is one date. Let's schedule it and get it over with. Maybe I'll be wrong in person. I don't know. But this constant and repeated stream of conversation was about to drive me crazy.)
Me: So you don't want to meet some time then?
Him: I do. But need to know when
Me: That is why I asked you when you were available
Him: Ok. I'll let you know.
Me: Ok. Just head's up, things fill up fast as time goes on because of work, class, and now rehearsals, so don't wait too long or the availability will be even further into the future.
Him: Ok. So not available for at least 3 weeks?
Me: Right now I think I have a couple days open within the next 3 weeks. If you wait the 3 weeks, I can guarantee July will be filling up as those weeks go by.
Him: lol what days are those??
Me: I don't have my calendar with me. I can find it after class. But it will be easier if you tell me your availability
(Hour later)
Me: Ok. This Friday just got booked up. So my next available times are the evenings of june 24th and possibly the 25th.
Him: Wow
Me: People don't seem to believe me when I tell them this is my busiest time of year....
Him: It's fine. I'd be very handsy with you.
Me: Then it doesn't look like we will be meeting. Thank you anyway for your interests and compliments. Good luck in your searching.
Him: That easy of a decision. Ok
Me: I have told you more than once how I feel about physical touch too soon in a relationship and you seem to like to ignore it. I prefer a man who will respect me
Him: Ok. I will leave you alone then
Me: Thank you
I know I am not the perfect example of how to handle situations and conversations and such. I am a work in progress with SO much to learn. So I am not trying to put myself as the person in the right. I probably could have been more open, etc. But I'll be honest that this guy 99% put me off because every conversation we had turned to the physical and how he really liked that, and really wanted that, and was interested in me. I don't think I ever had much interest in him. Maybe I was hoping he wouldn't be all like that. Or maybe I am so desperate to be getting dates so I can be having the experiences and getting the practice from dates and conversation and discovering/realizing/reaffirming the traits I am looking for in my best friend.
Maybe I should have ended this at the 1st red flag on the site when he first told me I was hot, and that I would be trouble for him. Or at the 2nd red flag when he bragged about his talent for doing dirty things that were not breaking any commandments.
OK. Here is the feelings check re-visted:
I don't understand this game.
I don't get this game.
I keep failing at playing this game--thinking I know the rules or the safety precautions, but constantly being bombarded and second-guessing what I knew, or thought I knew, and not sure of even WHAT I know.
I hate this game.
I want this game to be over!!!
Excuse me while I go talk things over with my Inner Goddess, and my Heavenly Father.
Does this guy honestly think that because he keeps telling me I am hot that suddenly I am going to change the physical boundaries I have set in a dating relationship--particularly the early stages of a dating relationship? Stages I have explained to him more than once.
I just....
I don't....
I can't even finish a sentence of a thought!!!
I don't know how to feel. I'm too "aaaaagggghhhh-eeehhhhh-aaaarrrgghh-uuuuggg" to do a Feelings Check. Unless that is the feeling. Anyone want to define that one for me?
You know what. I will just type up our text conversations from the last few days. I'll just leave it there for you to see. And then I'm going to go check in with my Inner Goddess.
(Please note that before these conversations, there had been talk on the online dating site about physical affection. Twice. He wanted a lot, admitted he could "do things"--but nothing that was sinning, and knew I was trouble for him. I told him I waited a while before I let that enter a relationship. He didn't respond for a few days, then suddenly got on and asked to chat with me through text. So the following was not the first time he broached this subject, or the first time I had answered him.)
Saturday
Him: Did you have a fun party?
Me: Yes, we had fun. It helps that she is one of my very best friends.
Him: That's great :-) you will have no trouble pleasing your husband with a wide selection of food it appears
Me: Yeah, except that spread will only happen if there is an income that can cover it!
Him: Haha. That's very good to point out :-) what are you looking for?
Me: I am looking for a socially strong and confident man who reciprocates my passion for life and its many varied joys and adventures. I like a man who converses easily where conversation flows easily to and from many various topics, and the conversing is naturally equal on both sides. I like a man who makes me feel comfortable, confident, attractive. I like him to make me laugh, it is easy to be with him, and life is fun and exciting with him. I also like him to be appropriate and respectful of the boundaries I have which are there for reasons.
Him: Wow. Very descriptive. Thanks!
Me: Well, I am asked a lot. I've also had a lot of time to think on it and had plenty of dates and experiences with men to help me figure it out.
Him: Sounds great
Him: Can I tell you something?
Me: Okay
Him: I'm very respectful. Very affectionate. Very open and honest. I love the same in return. Compliments. Massages. Kisses.
Me: Okay
Him: ?
Me: I don't know how else to respond
Him: Ok. You can disagree. I just wonder what you think.
Me: Disagree about what? Think about what? About the level of affection I want in a relationship?
Him: Yes. Just how you are. If you're affectionate. If you like being held. Kissed.
Me: My love language is physical touch. But I also am very careful about letting the physical enter a relationship too soon. Physical affection implies a much deeper connection and commitment for me than it does most of the men I meet. I compromised before, and I refuse to do it again. I also hold off because if it enters a relationship too soon, it will become the focus of a relationship. Once it is right for it to be there, I absolutely love that element.
Him: Ok. I really appreciate that. Thanks
Me: You're welcome
Him: Idk if you could ever like me
Me: And why would you think that
Him: I am a fast mover.
Me: If you were truly interested in who I am and not just what I have to offer physically, then I would think the respect you say you have would come in to play until I was ready. But you know yourself better than I do, so...yeah
Him: Ok
Me: Then I guess it is your choice of what you want to happen here
Him: It's your choice just as much as mine
Me: I've told you where I stand. It is your choice if you want to continue or not
Him: Ok.
Him: So no touch at all for how many dates usually?
Me: I don't set a number. If I feel a connection I may hold hands as soon as a first date. I would enjoy hugs, and arms around each other and such. But I do not kiss until we're exclusive.
Him: Good to know
Sunday
Him: Good morning beautiful
Me: Thank you, and good afternoon to you!
Him: Thank you :-)
Monday
Him: Hey how was your day?
Me: Not bad. A/C was broken at work, but it was first night of musical practice and that made up for the long, hot day
Him: Oh that makes a long day
Me: Yes indeed. How was yours?
Him: Pretty good thanks! Want a pic of me this morning?
Me: I don't know--do I?
Him: Yes I think?
Me: Very well
Sends pic
Me: You look surprised that you are going to work.
Him: Haha :-)
Him: Can I have one of you please?
Me: Well, the most recent I have is from a few weeks ago.
I send picture
Him: Hottie
Me: Thank you
Him: Sure. I'd prob end up playing with your hair
Me: That only bothers me if I took a lot of time to fix it, or I need it to be presentable later
Him: Do you like it?
Me: Having my hair played with?
Him: Yes
Me: Well, yes, except for the two scenarios previously stated
Him: Ok. I'm highly physical.
Me: Yeah. I got that.
Him: And you're not?
Me: We've kind of already had this discussion.
Him: Ok
Wednesday (tonight)
Him: You are in trouble
Me: And why is that?
Him: Cuz lol
Me: Ok....
Him: I think you're hot
Me: Ok
Me: Thank you
Him: I don't think you can handle me
Me: I think we have had this discussion before, too.
Him: Do you want to meet?
Me: Ok. When is a good time for you?
Him: Remind me again where you live?
Me: I am in ______. But I didn't mean when tonight. I meant when in the next 3 weeks.
Him: You schedule 3 weeks in advance?
Me: I know I have a lot of things scheduled in the next 3 weeks, so us finding mutual time to meet could take that long
Him: Ok
(Half hour later--because honestly I wanted to get this over with. I had no desire to meet with him from the moment he started texting me. But I figured one date is one date. Let's schedule it and get it over with. Maybe I'll be wrong in person. I don't know. But this constant and repeated stream of conversation was about to drive me crazy.)
Me: So you don't want to meet some time then?
Him: I do. But need to know when
Me: That is why I asked you when you were available
Him: Ok. I'll let you know.
Me: Ok. Just head's up, things fill up fast as time goes on because of work, class, and now rehearsals, so don't wait too long or the availability will be even further into the future.
Him: Ok. So not available for at least 3 weeks?
Me: Right now I think I have a couple days open within the next 3 weeks. If you wait the 3 weeks, I can guarantee July will be filling up as those weeks go by.
Him: lol what days are those??
Me: I don't have my calendar with me. I can find it after class. But it will be easier if you tell me your availability
(Hour later)
Me: Ok. This Friday just got booked up. So my next available times are the evenings of june 24th and possibly the 25th.
Him: Wow
Me: People don't seem to believe me when I tell them this is my busiest time of year....
Him: It's fine. I'd be very handsy with you.
Me: Then it doesn't look like we will be meeting. Thank you anyway for your interests and compliments. Good luck in your searching.
Him: That easy of a decision. Ok
Me: I have told you more than once how I feel about physical touch too soon in a relationship and you seem to like to ignore it. I prefer a man who will respect me
Him: Ok. I will leave you alone then
Me: Thank you
I know I am not the perfect example of how to handle situations and conversations and such. I am a work in progress with SO much to learn. So I am not trying to put myself as the person in the right. I probably could have been more open, etc. But I'll be honest that this guy 99% put me off because every conversation we had turned to the physical and how he really liked that, and really wanted that, and was interested in me. I don't think I ever had much interest in him. Maybe I was hoping he wouldn't be all like that. Or maybe I am so desperate to be getting dates so I can be having the experiences and getting the practice from dates and conversation and discovering/realizing/reaffirming the traits I am looking for in my best friend.
Maybe I should have ended this at the 1st red flag on the site when he first told me I was hot, and that I would be trouble for him. Or at the 2nd red flag when he bragged about his talent for doing dirty things that were not breaking any commandments.
OK. Here is the feelings check re-visted:
I don't understand this game.
I don't get this game.
I keep failing at playing this game--thinking I know the rules or the safety precautions, but constantly being bombarded and second-guessing what I knew, or thought I knew, and not sure of even WHAT I know.
I hate this game.
I want this game to be over!!!
Excuse me while I go talk things over with my Inner Goddess, and my Heavenly Father.
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