Your Choice

Read this article tonight. Nothing exactly new, but with dating, I'm perfectly fine with constant repeating. What stood out the most to me was the very end. I gleaned this in college when I read the referenced Bruce R. McConkie talk "Agency or Inspiration - Which?"

[Y]ou don't go to Heavenly Father and say ‘Should I marry this person?’ Because if you haven't decided, He won't.”

I have a testimony of this, as I was on the opposite end in the situation. Mr. Best Friend at one time reached a point when he started praying to know if he should marry me. Unbeknownst to me. We weren't dating. In all those years, we never exclusively dated. We went on about 5 or 6 dates total, as friends, usually for my birthday. (And one very random Valentine's Day.) It rather floored me when many months later I learned that he had done this. Some of the minor thoughts were

*Why would Heavenly Father say "yes" when we're not even dating. Yes, we may know each other better than most dating couples. But shouldn't we have an active interest in each other before we approach the idea of marriage?

*Why would you ask such a question without me as a part of it. Of course you wouldn't get a yes answer. That's borderline to the story of men who say they've received a revelation that they should marry such-and-such girl. Those kind of prayers work so much better in answers (whether in the affirmative or not) when the two of you are having the prayers. Not necessarily having the prayers together. But on your own both offering those prayers.

*How in the world would you ever expect Heavenly Father to tell you "yes, marry this girl" when my prayers were pleading "Help me get over him and get on with my life?" Contrary purposes. Wasn't going to happen.

But the major thought was knowing what Elder McConkie had said. You make the decision, and you go to the Lord with that decision. I tried to explain this, but it never really got through because by that point I was the spurned female who came off as bemoaning my rejection. And no, that wasn't the case. I was certainly frustrated and hurt. But I loved that man, and I didn't want him to keep making mistakes like that. (By the way, he figured it out, as he is happily married to a most wonderful woman.)

It's kind of annoying to still see this "Should I marry her/him" in so many relationships around me. Guess what? In this case, again, I know better! And I'm very, very grateful that I do! Because it isn't just about this is the best way to go about it. Or even the counseled way from Apostles and other Church leaders. It's because it is our choice. The Lord gave us agency for a reason. We choose our life, and then we choose to be happy with the choices we've made. A little confirmation or negation on decisions helps prevent us from making egregious mistakes that we do not have the foresight to see. But otherwise, our Eternal Parents want us to choose and live our lives for ourselves. They don't want to decide for us, or live it for us. So rejoice in your agency, and in your freedom and ability to choose. And go choose your spouse and your happiness for yourself!