Driven Forth Before the Wind

My most recent experiences and lessons in the dating world--a culmination of last week's events, anyway-- are related to disappointment and unmet expectations. I know all about how you should not have expectations, because the majority of disappointment, frustration, etc. in relationships are when someone creates expectations...which inevitably do not get met.

I didn't realize that I was creating the expectations, and therein lay the problem. I was just loving what I was discovering, and somehow formed something in my mind which I absolutely loved and desired. That wasn't necessarily the problem. It was that somewhere in there I also created an expectation that what I was envisioning was reality. So, of course, that expectation was sorely unmet on Saturday. The disappointment is a different kind than I usually experience in dating. And rather big.

Leaves one wanting to give up. Again.

But I have learned too much and come too far to ever give up.

Luckily, I had a spiritual reminder on Sunday that brought everything back in to remembrance and focus. I love the many, many lessons one can gain from the stories about the Brother of Jared in the Book or Mormon. He builds barges to take his people to the promised land. We all know about the preparations he makes for the trip in those barges. Many of the lessons focus on that. But we often forget that on the journey, they were driven to and fro with the waves, tossed on the waters, and often plummeted into the depths. All while being driven forth toward the promised land.

I see the last 3 years of my dating experiences, lessons, etc. (and probably the wandering 12 years before that) very much like the journey of Jared's people. With the dating coach, I was building the barges and learning what to put inside to help on my journey. I have been set out on my journey, with the Goddess Weekend being my lighted stones as well as my trust that God is taking me on the right path. But that doesn't mean that my journey will be a smooth one. It is going to be extremely rough, full of riotous waves and putting me into the depths. But that is only because I am getting closer to the promised land. I am so close!! As I heard the missionary telling his story, I felt the Spirit impress upon me that I am close. This is my tempestuous journey in the sea, but the Lord is still directing me. I am still on the right course. And I am almost to my destination.

So maybe I am disappointed. Again if albeit differently. So I am frustrated and annoyed again. So I am exhausted throughout every bit of it. It will all be worth it. Because I believe in the promised land. And it is so close.