At least, for me, with this blog, it is. Because for one, it means I am not having awful or painful experiences in the dating world, thus nothing to write about. It could also mean that I am having good dating experiences and they take up my time that I have none to write.
And both would be the case this time!
I am not only having good dating experiences, I am having several of them which have actually led to me being exclusive with an absolutely amazing man. So I'm just going to focus on us right now and leave a little blog silence. Maybe I will give some updates. We'll see. All I need to share right now is that I am very, very happy.
Monday, October 24, 2016
Thursday, October 6, 2016
Today
Today I still have
My mom and dad
My beloved sister
My brothers
My amazing in-laws
My "niephews"
My home
My job
My patrons who love me
My co-workers who love and support me
My neighbors and ward members
My testimony
My health
My car
My legs and feet
My arms and hands
My hair (yes, I'm going to put that in there :-) )
My eyes
My friends and very best friends
My aunts, uncles, and cousins
My blogs
My games
My Happy Now list
My memories
My love
My heart
My beliefs
My freedoms
My voice
My Church leaders
My tissues
My books
My blankets
My joy
My ability to serve
My temple recommend
My smile
My sense of humor
My food
My sense of security
My experiences
My desires
My Lord's Gospel
My scriptures
My journals
My gift of the Holy Ghost
My Redeemer
My Heavenly Father
My future
Today, I am overwhelmed.
Today I am mourning.
Today I am tired.
Today I am crying.
But
Today, I am grateful.
Today, I am fortunate.
Today, I am blessed.
My mom and dad
My beloved sister
My brothers
My amazing in-laws
My "niephews"
My home
My job
My patrons who love me
My co-workers who love and support me
My neighbors and ward members
My testimony
My health
My car
My legs and feet
My arms and hands
My hair (yes, I'm going to put that in there :-) )
My eyes
My friends and very best friends
My aunts, uncles, and cousins
My blogs
My games
My Happy Now list
My memories
My love
My heart
My beliefs
My freedoms
My voice
My Church leaders
My tissues
My books
My blankets
My joy
My ability to serve
My temple recommend
My smile
My sense of humor
My food
My sense of security
My experiences
My desires
My Lord's Gospel
My scriptures
My journals
My gift of the Holy Ghost
My Redeemer
My Heavenly Father
My future
Today, I am overwhelmed.
Today I am mourning.
Today I am tired.
Today I am crying.
But
Today, I am grateful.
Today, I am fortunate.
Today, I am blessed.
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
Getting to the Bottom of It
I had to do some personal pondering, reflections, and feelings checks after my "out of the blue" heartbreak on Sunday. Because it couldn't have been out of the blue. Something led to something somehow. Thus I thought about it. And when the realization dawned on me, I literally sat for a full 5 minutes at work with my mouth hanging open. (Thank goodness I was back in the office!)
It came to me that, yet again, I am being passed over for some other woman. The background details of that fact are ironic and ridiculous and embarrassing and most especially surprising. So I'm not getting into that. But the point is that is my biggest barrier, my biggest fear is that I am unwanted by men. That men see me and decide to go for other women. Granted, hopefully that is what generally happens, or else I would be in a lot of trouble! What I mean is that I felt no man would ever look at me, because they would always find someone else more attractive, desirable, etc. than me.
At our Inner Goddess weekend, we learned that our barriers were things built over time for one reason or another. And in my pondering, I was able to remember the very first time this happened in my life. The most profound one. Because really, having men 5 years older than me pursue women 5 years older than me when I was still a teenager--that wasn't a real rejection. Nor were the boys that I crushed over secretly who never went for me. But that first time. The first real rejection I ever had. He was such a great friend, and I had so many feelings beyond that. I thought he did, too. Lots of people thought he did. But we were all wrong. It shocked us all when we figured out that he liked another girl. My heart dropped when I learned, and led to me lying on the floor in a dark room for 1/2 an hour, crying my eyes out. Yeah, I was an emotional teenager. (Yes, I'm still emotional as an adult, but I've really tried to curb it!)
That of course was not my only rejection. I had many afterwards. But this was my first. It was eye-opening for me to realize that that was the very first instance. But what had my heart and stomach dropping on Sunday? I am being passed over by the same guy. Honestly, I can't blame him. He really hasn't a clue. It happened before I was able to tell him anything. Yet the irony and that deep-seated fear came whirling so fast at me as I saw it all unfolding all over again. Yet it was even deeper because it's what had "started it all." And that's why I was caught so off guard.
I'm moving along with it. While also dealing with my health issues and being overly-stressed and tired at work. All 3 together are making for a terrible cocktail of emotions. But I'm glad I have been able to trace all 3 things to their sources, and can deal with each one accordingly. That was more than half the battle right there.
And now I'm closing the back door, without even bothering to ask questions. I'm just going to shut it. And I will protect myself from letting that person in anywhere. I will be better, wiser, and more cautious.
All will be well.
It came to me that, yet again, I am being passed over for some other woman. The background details of that fact are ironic and ridiculous and embarrassing and most especially surprising. So I'm not getting into that. But the point is that is my biggest barrier, my biggest fear is that I am unwanted by men. That men see me and decide to go for other women. Granted, hopefully that is what generally happens, or else I would be in a lot of trouble! What I mean is that I felt no man would ever look at me, because they would always find someone else more attractive, desirable, etc. than me.
At our Inner Goddess weekend, we learned that our barriers were things built over time for one reason or another. And in my pondering, I was able to remember the very first time this happened in my life. The most profound one. Because really, having men 5 years older than me pursue women 5 years older than me when I was still a teenager--that wasn't a real rejection. Nor were the boys that I crushed over secretly who never went for me. But that first time. The first real rejection I ever had. He was such a great friend, and I had so many feelings beyond that. I thought he did, too. Lots of people thought he did. But we were all wrong. It shocked us all when we figured out that he liked another girl. My heart dropped when I learned, and led to me lying on the floor in a dark room for 1/2 an hour, crying my eyes out. Yeah, I was an emotional teenager. (Yes, I'm still emotional as an adult, but I've really tried to curb it!)
That of course was not my only rejection. I had many afterwards. But this was my first. It was eye-opening for me to realize that that was the very first instance. But what had my heart and stomach dropping on Sunday? I am being passed over by the same guy. Honestly, I can't blame him. He really hasn't a clue. It happened before I was able to tell him anything. Yet the irony and that deep-seated fear came whirling so fast at me as I saw it all unfolding all over again. Yet it was even deeper because it's what had "started it all." And that's why I was caught so off guard.
I'm moving along with it. While also dealing with my health issues and being overly-stressed and tired at work. All 3 together are making for a terrible cocktail of emotions. But I'm glad I have been able to trace all 3 things to their sources, and can deal with each one accordingly. That was more than half the battle right there.
And now I'm closing the back door, without even bothering to ask questions. I'm just going to shut it. And I will protect myself from letting that person in anywhere. I will be better, wiser, and more cautious.
All will be well.
Sunday, October 2, 2016
Not past feeling. I guess that's good.
I refuse to let another boy make me cry!
At least tonight.
Or, well, by tomorrow morning.
So out of the blue--where in the world did that come from?!?
I haven't felt my heart hurt this badly since Back Door Boy left me for another--or the other--woman. And even then, this feels different. Almost like I am going to be sick.
I am so confused and shocked, all I know to do is cry.
So, ok, I am letting another boy "make me" cry.
And once it is out, I will be fine.
How appropriate--crying during a rainstorm. Thoughts of "Remember When it Rained" and "Just Let Me Cry."
Because that's how it has always worked for me in the past.
I count on that for the future. And remember all the wonderful words I heard in Conference today, so I know it is true. I am happy, even joyful, amidst this randomly where-in-the-world trial.
At least tonight.
Or, well, by tomorrow morning.
So out of the blue--where in the world did that come from?!?
I haven't felt my heart hurt this badly since Back Door Boy left me for another--or the other--woman. And even then, this feels different. Almost like I am going to be sick.
I am so confused and shocked, all I know to do is cry.
So, ok, I am letting another boy "make me" cry.
And once it is out, I will be fine.
How appropriate--crying during a rainstorm. Thoughts of "Remember When it Rained" and "Just Let Me Cry."
Because that's how it has always worked for me in the past.
I count on that for the future. And remember all the wonderful words I heard in Conference today, so I know it is true. I am happy, even joyful, amidst this randomly where-in-the-world trial.
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
34 Reasons Why I am A Great Choice for a(n active LDS) Man to Marry
So, last year I wrote a slightly facetious post about 33 reasons why I might still be single at 33. Well, now I'm 34. And I honestly cannot believe how much has changed in just a year, especially in regards to social life, dating, and relationships. There were extremely tough times, which led to my recent #34Before34 challenge to keep my mind off the tough times. But there has been so much amazing and wonderful in this last year, too! All because of my Unleash Your Inner Goddess seminar, lessons, training (whatever else you want to call it all). I look over last year's list and now can see many flaws in it, no matter how facetious some of them may have been.
Thus it came to my mind that I should write a more positive list this year. Maybe it will come across as full of myself. But considering what my fears and barriers in dating have been (that I am invisible to men, or that I am 2nd choice, last choice, or no choice at all), I think this is a wise endeavor--though a really tough one! (Addendum: it took me a whole day to write this post.)
And so, may I present to you
Thus it came to my mind that I should write a more positive list this year. Maybe it will come across as full of myself. But considering what my fears and barriers in dating have been (that I am invisible to men, or that I am 2nd choice, last choice, or no choice at all), I think this is a wise endeavor--though a really tough one! (Addendum: it took me a whole day to write this post.)
And so, may I present to you
34 Reasons Why I am A Great Choice for a(n active LDS) Man to Marry
1. I am active LDS, because I want to be and I love to be.
2. I have a testimony of the Gospel and its principles, especially of the Atonement.
3. I love the temple, and actually go there to serve. :-)
4. I have an odd sense of humor. Guaranteed to make somebody laugh.
5. I know enough cooking and baking that we wouldn't starve. He might even enjoy it. ;-) (And I promise not to feed him any of my random meals unless he actually wants one.)
6. I'm actually pleasant to look at, when my face chooses to cooperate.
7. I can sing fairly well, and adore doing so--free entertainment, though generally in the musical genres of my choice. I'll also be able to sing lullabies to our children, and to him if he wishes.
8. I love to dance, even if I'm not good at it. Fun, simple, even cheap to no cost activity choices there--whether at an event or just at home.
9. I like to clean. I like to live in a place that is clean. So I will make sure that place we will live in is clean, and have an enjoyable time making it so.
10. I have some fabulous hair he can play with. Just so long as he knows it takes some effort to keep my hair as healthy as it is, and that sometimes that hair gets cut for donations as well as healthiness and upkeep.
11. I have a very strong and healthy sex drive. ;-)
12. And guess what? As someone who has never been married, I have still maintained my values and standards and kept myself chaste for the man I will marry. Don't discredit me as some men have because I am "inexperienced." Value me because I had the strength and courage to fight for my virtue and purity all these years, especially with that strong and healthy sex drive.
13. I love to read. Free entertainment, easy gift choices, and endless possibilities of intelligent, interesting conversation topics.
14. I love teaching. I will enjoy teaching our children the Gospel, early literacy skills, how to have fun, and so much more. I'll especially love having him as my partner to teach these things.
15. I love children and I want children.
16. I try to keep the Gospel and the Spirit in my home as much as possible. I make my home a refuge from the world.
17. I know and love the scriptures, and love to keep learning from them.
18. I sustain and follow my Church leaders.
19. I honor and respect the Priesthood, and those worthy men who hold it and exercise its keys in righteousness.
20. I absolutely love life. With its ups and downs, its bright spots and dark ones, its highs and lows, its Gethsemanes and Liberty Jails as well as its Nauvoos and Promised Lands. "Come what may, and love it." Pollyanna Positive Points in everything.
21. I own a house. Yes. He may have one, too. Details that can be worked out later. But I have an absolutely adorable house that mirrors my personality. Would give anything to share that with him, but if that is not in our plan, so be it. So long as he knows I have spent a few years learning how to budget for and take care of a house, and have developed a few skills and know-how along the way with that.
22. I am single at 34, still active in the Church, still believing in, hoping for, and working for an eternal marriage to my best friend. Why and how do I still believe, hope, and work? Because I trust in the Lord. I know He knows what is best for me. I know His timing is the best, and I trust in that, too.
23. That previous one? It's tied to patience, too. Not always my strongest virtue, but wow I have had a long time to work on developing it! I think I'm doing a fairly decent job at times with that.
24. I am not afraid of the task, challenge, work ahead of us in a marriage, because I am ready to give it my all, I trust that he will give it his all, and the two of us will always be sure that Heavenly Father is a part of our marriage, and it is Him we are trying to ever grow closer to.
25. I like to give neck and shoulder massages, and hand massages. And head massages. Possibly could do foot and back--just haven't had the opportunity (or inclination) to do those. Basically, I like to make others comfortable and help them relax. I can't imagine too many men who would not like some kind of service like this once in a while.
26. I have been reading and studying all kinds of topics that help in any kind of relationship, but with dating and marital relationships specifically in mind. I am even enrolled in a wife class. Why? Because I want to fill my arsenal with every tool I can to make our marriage successful. I don't want to just try at this marriage thing. I want to succeed in it and have a fabulously wonderful, fun, uplifting, engaging, growing time as we do so.
27. I know how to relax and have a good time. I am not all business. I am not all seriousness. Sometimes I like to go out for a good time. Sometimes I like to stay in. I enjoy an occasional lazy moment (or day). I like to eat junk food here and there. I like to sleep in or take a nap. I like to take it slow once in a while.
28. Along with the previous, I also enjoy exercising, eating healthy things, and trying to keep fit at a healthy, not obsessive level. I won't be a couch potato. But I won't be a health nut either. I am balanced in the middle and find peace, comfort, and happiness at that balance.
29. Mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, social, and physical knowledge and health are important to me.
30. I love my Savior.
31. I love my Heavenly Father.
32. I love my family and work to maintain those relationships, in spite of occasional opposition.
33. I love myself, even if I may at times struggle with some self-esteem issues, or personal doubts, or fighting the natural man, or whatever else may lie in my path. I have spent my lifetime getting to know who I am, developing who I am (which will always be a work in progress), and loving who I am. My Father and my Savior help me in that love. Because I have been able to come to love me, I am ready for a wonderful man to come to love me, too.
34. I am ready to face, meet, challenge, discover, and embrace the world with that man. Now.
7. I can sing fairly well, and adore doing so--free entertainment, though generally in the musical genres of my choice. I'll also be able to sing lullabies to our children, and to him if he wishes.
8. I love to dance, even if I'm not good at it. Fun, simple, even cheap to no cost activity choices there--whether at an event or just at home.
9. I like to clean. I like to live in a place that is clean. So I will make sure that place we will live in is clean, and have an enjoyable time making it so.
10. I have some fabulous hair he can play with. Just so long as he knows it takes some effort to keep my hair as healthy as it is, and that sometimes that hair gets cut for donations as well as healthiness and upkeep.
11. I have a very strong and healthy sex drive. ;-)
12. And guess what? As someone who has never been married, I have still maintained my values and standards and kept myself chaste for the man I will marry. Don't discredit me as some men have because I am "inexperienced." Value me because I had the strength and courage to fight for my virtue and purity all these years, especially with that strong and healthy sex drive.
13. I love to read. Free entertainment, easy gift choices, and endless possibilities of intelligent, interesting conversation topics.
14. I love teaching. I will enjoy teaching our children the Gospel, early literacy skills, how to have fun, and so much more. I'll especially love having him as my partner to teach these things.
15. I love children and I want children.
16. I try to keep the Gospel and the Spirit in my home as much as possible. I make my home a refuge from the world.
17. I know and love the scriptures, and love to keep learning from them.
18. I sustain and follow my Church leaders.
19. I honor and respect the Priesthood, and those worthy men who hold it and exercise its keys in righteousness.
20. I absolutely love life. With its ups and downs, its bright spots and dark ones, its highs and lows, its Gethsemanes and Liberty Jails as well as its Nauvoos and Promised Lands. "Come what may, and love it." Pollyanna Positive Points in everything.
21. I own a house. Yes. He may have one, too. Details that can be worked out later. But I have an absolutely adorable house that mirrors my personality. Would give anything to share that with him, but if that is not in our plan, so be it. So long as he knows I have spent a few years learning how to budget for and take care of a house, and have developed a few skills and know-how along the way with that.
22. I am single at 34, still active in the Church, still believing in, hoping for, and working for an eternal marriage to my best friend. Why and how do I still believe, hope, and work? Because I trust in the Lord. I know He knows what is best for me. I know His timing is the best, and I trust in that, too.
23. That previous one? It's tied to patience, too. Not always my strongest virtue, but wow I have had a long time to work on developing it! I think I'm doing a fairly decent job at times with that.
24. I am not afraid of the task, challenge, work ahead of us in a marriage, because I am ready to give it my all, I trust that he will give it his all, and the two of us will always be sure that Heavenly Father is a part of our marriage, and it is Him we are trying to ever grow closer to.
25. I like to give neck and shoulder massages, and hand massages. And head massages. Possibly could do foot and back--just haven't had the opportunity (or inclination) to do those. Basically, I like to make others comfortable and help them relax. I can't imagine too many men who would not like some kind of service like this once in a while.
26. I have been reading and studying all kinds of topics that help in any kind of relationship, but with dating and marital relationships specifically in mind. I am even enrolled in a wife class. Why? Because I want to fill my arsenal with every tool I can to make our marriage successful. I don't want to just try at this marriage thing. I want to succeed in it and have a fabulously wonderful, fun, uplifting, engaging, growing time as we do so.
27. I know how to relax and have a good time. I am not all business. I am not all seriousness. Sometimes I like to go out for a good time. Sometimes I like to stay in. I enjoy an occasional lazy moment (or day). I like to eat junk food here and there. I like to sleep in or take a nap. I like to take it slow once in a while.
28. Along with the previous, I also enjoy exercising, eating healthy things, and trying to keep fit at a healthy, not obsessive level. I won't be a couch potato. But I won't be a health nut either. I am balanced in the middle and find peace, comfort, and happiness at that balance.
29. Mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, social, and physical knowledge and health are important to me.
30. I love my Savior.
31. I love my Heavenly Father.
32. I love my family and work to maintain those relationships, in spite of occasional opposition.
33. I love myself, even if I may at times struggle with some self-esteem issues, or personal doubts, or fighting the natural man, or whatever else may lie in my path. I have spent my lifetime getting to know who I am, developing who I am (which will always be a work in progress), and loving who I am. My Father and my Savior help me in that love. Because I have been able to come to love me, I am ready for a wonderful man to come to love me, too.
34. I am ready to face, meet, challenge, discover, and embrace the world with that man. Now.
Monday, September 26, 2016
My word.
Him: Interested in something casual right now? Just lots of kissing and playing around with each other..... Some mutual climaxing and nothing to kinky, just fun 😍
Me: Did you even look at my profile? That would have saved you the trouble from even asking.
Him: I figured I would try anyways 😘
Me: Gross. And very sad.
Block!
Me: Did you even look at my profile? That would have saved you the trouble from even asking.
Him: I figured I would try anyways 😘
Me: Gross. And very sad.
Block!
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