FYI

Obedience is a powerful thing.

It affects dreams, wishes, desires, and prayers.

And because of it, I am now living in a beautiful dream of reality as countless spoken and unspoken prayers have been answered toward the 2nd greatest desire and wish of my heart being granted.

I will relishly be relinquishing single status in about 6 months.

Blog Silence is Golden

At least, for me, with this blog, it is. Because for one, it means I am not having awful or painful experiences in the dating world, thus nothing to write about. It could also mean that I am having good dating experiences and they take up my time that I have none to write.

And both would be the case this time!

I am not only having good dating experiences, I am having several of them which have actually led to me being exclusive with an absolutely amazing man. So I'm just going to focus on us right now and leave a little blog silence. Maybe I will give some updates. We'll see. All I need to share right now is that I am very, very happy.

Getting to the Bottom of It

I had to do some personal pondering, reflections, and feelings checks after my "out of the blue" heartbreak on Sunday. Because it couldn't have been out of the blue. Something led to something somehow. Thus I thought about it. And when the realization dawned on me, I literally sat for a full 5 minutes at work with my mouth hanging open. (Thank goodness I was back in the office!)

It came to me that, yet again, I am being passed over for some other woman. The background details of that fact are ironic and ridiculous and embarrassing and most especially surprising. So I'm not getting into that. But the point is that is my biggest barrier, my biggest fear is that I am unwanted by men. That men see me and decide to go for other women. Granted, hopefully that is what generally happens, or else I would be in a lot of trouble! What I mean is that I felt no man would ever look at me, because they would always find someone else more attractive, desirable, etc. than me.

At our Inner Goddess weekend, we learned that our barriers were things built over time for one reason or another. And in my pondering, I was able to remember the very first time this happened in my life. The most profound one. Because really, having men 5 years older than me pursue women 5 years older than me when I was still a teenager--that wasn't a real rejection. Nor were the boys that I crushed over secretly who never went for me. But that first time. The first real rejection I ever had. He was such a great friend, and I had so many feelings beyond that. I thought he did, too. Lots of people thought he did. But we were all wrong. It shocked us all when we figured out that he liked another girl. My heart dropped when I learned, and led to me lying on the floor in a dark room for 1/2 an hour, crying my eyes out. Yeah, I was an emotional teenager. (Yes, I'm still emotional as an adult, but I've really tried to curb it!)

That of course was not my only rejection. I had many afterwards. But this was my first. It was eye-opening for me to realize that that was the very first instance. But what had my heart and stomach dropping on Sunday? I am being passed over by the same guy. Honestly, I can't blame him. He really hasn't a clue. It happened before I was able to tell him anything. Yet the irony and that deep-seated fear came whirling so fast at me as I saw it all unfolding all over again. Yet it was even deeper because it's what had "started it all." And that's why I was caught so off guard.

I'm moving along with it. While also dealing with my health issues and being overly-stressed and tired at work. All 3 together are making for a terrible cocktail of emotions. But I'm glad I have been able to trace all 3 things to their sources, and can deal with each one accordingly. That was more than half the battle right there.

And now I'm closing the back door, without even bothering to ask questions. I'm just going to shut it. And I will protect myself from letting that person in anywhere. I will be better, wiser, and more cautious.

All will be well.

34 Reasons Why I am A Great Choice for a(n active LDS) Man to Marry

So, last year I wrote a slightly facetious post about 33 reasons why I might still be single at 33. Well, now I'm 34. And I honestly cannot believe how much has changed in just a year, especially in regards to social life, dating, and relationships. There were extremely tough times, which led to my recent #34Before34 challenge to keep my mind off the tough times. But there has been so much amazing and wonderful in this last year, too! All because of my Unleash Your Inner Goddess seminar, lessons, training (whatever else you want to call it all). I look over last year's list and now can see many flaws in it, no matter how facetious some of them may have been.

Thus it came to my mind that I should write a more positive list this year. Maybe it will come across as full of myself. But considering what my fears and barriers in dating have been (that I am invisible to men, or that I am 2nd choice, last choice, or no choice at all), I think this is a wise endeavor--though a really tough one! (Addendum: it took me a whole day to write this post.)

And so, may I present to you

34 Reasons Why I am A Great Choice for a(n active LDS) Man to Marry

1. I am active LDS, because I want to be and I love to be. 

2. I have a testimony of the Gospel and its principles, especially of the Atonement.

3. I love the temple, and actually go there to serve. :-)

4. I have an odd sense of humor. Guaranteed to make somebody laugh.

5. I know enough cooking and baking that we wouldn't starve. He might even enjoy it. ;-) (And I promise not to feed him any of my random meals unless he actually wants one.)

6. I'm actually pleasant to look at, when my face chooses to cooperate.

7. I can sing fairly well, and adore doing so--free entertainment, though generally in the musical genres of my choice. I'll also be able to sing lullabies to our children, and to him if he wishes.

8. I love to dance, even if I'm not good at it. Fun, simple, even cheap to no cost activity choices there--whether at an event or just at home.

9. I like to clean. I like to live in a place that is clean. So I will make sure that place we will live in is clean, and have an enjoyable time making it so.

10. I have some fabulous hair he can play with. Just so long as he knows it takes some effort to keep my hair as healthy as it is, and that sometimes that hair gets cut for donations as well as healthiness and upkeep.

11. I have a very strong and healthy sex drive. ;-)

12. And guess what? As someone who has never been married, I have still maintained my values and standards and kept myself chaste for the man I will marry. Don't discredit me as some men have because I am "inexperienced." Value me because I had the strength and courage to fight for my virtue and purity all these years, especially with that strong and healthy sex drive.

13. I love to read. Free entertainment, easy gift choices, and endless possibilities of intelligent, interesting conversation topics.

14. I love teaching. I will enjoy teaching our children the Gospel, early literacy skills, how to have fun, and so much more. I'll especially love having him as my partner to teach these things.

15. I love children and I want children.

16. I try to keep the Gospel and the Spirit in my home as much as possible. I make my home a refuge from the world.

17. I know and love the scriptures, and love to keep learning from them.

18. I sustain and follow my Church leaders.

19. I honor and respect the Priesthood, and those worthy men who hold it and exercise its keys in righteousness.

20. I absolutely love life. With its ups and downs, its bright spots and dark ones, its highs and lows, its Gethsemanes and Liberty Jails as well as its Nauvoos and Promised Lands. "Come what may, and love it." Pollyanna Positive Points in everything.

21. I own a house. Yes. He may have one, too. Details that can be worked out later. But I have an absolutely adorable house that mirrors my personality. Would give anything to share that with him, but if that is not in our plan, so be it. So long as he knows I have spent a few years learning how to budget for and take care of a house, and have developed a few skills and know-how along the way with that.

22. I am single at 34, still active in the Church, still believing in, hoping for, and working for an eternal marriage to my best friend. Why and how do I still believe, hope, and work? Because I trust in the Lord. I know He knows what is best for me. I know His timing is the best, and I trust in that, too.

23. That previous one? It's tied to patience, too. Not always my strongest virtue, but wow I have had a long time to work on developing it! I think I'm doing a fairly decent job at times with that.

24. I am not afraid of the task, challenge, work ahead of us in a marriage, because I am ready to give it my all, I trust that he will give it his all, and the two of us will always be sure that Heavenly Father is a part of our marriage, and it is Him we are trying to ever grow closer to.

25. I like to give neck and shoulder massages, and hand massages. And head massages. Possibly could do foot and back--just haven't had the opportunity (or inclination) to do those. Basically, I like to make others comfortable and help them relax. I can't imagine too many men who would not like some kind of service like this once in a while.

26. I have been reading and studying all kinds of topics that help in any kind of relationship, but with dating and marital relationships specifically in mind. I am even enrolled in a wife class. Why? Because I want to fill my arsenal with every tool I can to make our marriage successful. I don't want to just try at this marriage thing. I want to succeed in it and have a fabulously wonderful, fun, uplifting, engaging, growing time as we do so.

27. I know how to relax and have a good time. I am not all business. I am not all seriousness. Sometimes I like to go out for a good time. Sometimes I like to stay in. I enjoy an occasional lazy moment (or day). I like to eat junk food here and there. I like to sleep in or take a nap. I like to take it slow once in a while.

28. Along with the previous, I also enjoy exercising, eating healthy things, and trying to keep fit at a healthy, not obsessive level. I won't be a couch potato. But I won't be a health nut either. I am balanced in the middle and find peace, comfort, and happiness at that balance.

29. Mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, social, and physical knowledge and health are important to me.

30. I love my Savior.

31. I love my Heavenly Father.

32. I love my family and work to maintain those relationships, in spite of occasional opposition.

33. I love myself, even if I may at times struggle with some self-esteem issues, or personal doubts, or fighting the natural man, or whatever else may lie in my path. I have spent my lifetime getting to know who I am, developing who I am (which will always be a work in progress), and loving who I am. My Father and my Savior help me in that love. Because I have been able to come to love me, I am ready for a wonderful man to come to love me, too.

34. I am ready to face, meet, challenge, discover, and embrace the world with that man. Now.

Another and Rather Odd First For Me

6 months ago, I learned some of my barriers in dating and relationships. One of those is that I thought I was invisible to men. That I was ugly and unattractive and they didn't see or want me. This included physically as well as mentally, intellectually, and in personality. The barrier wasn't just one I put up once in my life to protect me. It was a compound over several years that made it bigger and messier and tougher to break through. Luckily, for 2+ years before I attended my Inner Goddess weekend and learned what that barrier was, I had many things (dating coach, dating books, articles, etc.) that were helping me to hack away at that barrier. By the time I got to my Goddess weekend, that barrier was crumbling. But it helped so much when I was able to give it a name, and fully get rid of it.

Well, almost fully. Once in a while I have glimpses of that barrier and I have to re-direct my thoughts and energy to something else.

So it is the greatest irony to me that in the last 6 months, one of the main troubles I am having with dating are men who are too focused on, interested in, or distracted by the physical attractions I have to offer them. Now some of the guys I meet I can tell are the kind that just "want some," and I am not flattered (though admittedly, I am still surprised). But then there are others who seem like fairly "normal" men (whatever that means), who tell me they find me attractive, and a couple whom I have allowed to act on that attraction.

I am flattered by that attraction. And still surprised. But frankly--and I never thought that I would ever be saying this: I am tired of men finding me physically attractive!

Not that I want to be unattractive. And not that I don't want a man to be physically attracted to me.

But what ever happened to men who knew how to have conversations, and to build friendships, and to have fun that didn't include the physical?! The men who didn't let their sex drive steer their entire course of dating me? What happened to the men who had and showed respect? Who would listen when I told him that it wasn't the focus I wanted in a relationship, or that there are lines that I won't cross and yet they keep trying to cross them? The ones who would take my "No" for an answer and not continue to try and jeopardize both of us? And yes, I do mean LDS men.

Before you wonder--I have not done anything to break covenants I have made with my Heavenly Father. But I am meeting men who start off being great and nice and fun who later change the relationship, to where I am suddenly just a physical object for their pleasure and they care nothing about who I am.

I still believe that there are good LDS men out there who know how to control their desires, respect the women they date, and honestly want to meet and get to know non-physically their best friend. And because I believe it, and pray for it, and seek for it, I know I will find it. And will continue to pray that the Lord will help protect me as well as make me aware of those guys whose intentions are not those that are the best for both of us.

P.S. I am not saying that physical affection is bad. But moderation and control, especially in the very beginning, is crucial or else that becomes the focus and the foundation--which is a guarantee for failure.

Selling His Case

Him: So do you really believe we are 99% compatible? Or you think this is a very inaccurate singles' site...​

Me: It is not the most accurate algorithm, and it doesn't factor in the number of questions answered. Plus--it doesn't factor in crucial questions that only people themselves come up with as important to them.

Him: So what's a crucial question or questions you would come up for me?​

Me: Well, considering our age difference and the desires I have in life, I would ask are you LDS? What are your plans for the next 40 years? How many kids would you like to have?

Him: Yes I am LDS, in the next 40 years, I have a plan to keep physically fit and healthy, I also have a plan to keep mentally, emotionally and spiritually fit and healthy as well, in the next 10 years, to earn 100 million dollars get married and have at least 4 children; in the next 10 years I also have the plan to record my piano and music compositions. How about you?​

Me: I am also LDS. In the next 40 years, I want to continue loving and experiencing life while serving the Lord. I would also like to see more of the world Heavenly Father created for us. I still dream of 10 children, and believe much of that will happen with adoption now that I am older.

Him: You're perfectly young and healthy enough to have 10 children yourself; if you believe, you can do it; let's begin with the first step, how about dinner this coming Friday?​

Me: I have a lot of health issues, so I will be very blessed and grateful if I am able to have 1. I have generally had a wide age range for dating, but I'm sorry, with you being 18 years older than me, you are a few years out of it.

Him: Totally understanding; but just a thought for you to consider, thanks God I am healthy and strong, more than many guys in their 20s and 30s, and I will be for 50 more years; age is relative when it comes down to health; my age doesn't take away any of the abilities of a normal man. But thanks for sharing : )​

Me: I consider my father one of the healthiest men I know. He has always taken care of himself. But he is only a decade older than you, and I am watching how age slows things down and make things difficult that no amount of healthy living can change. That is why for now I have lowered my age limit for me I date. Thank you for being understanding.

Him: Hey, no problem, life is a matter of choice and preferences, you'll find what you want according to your faith and willingness to submit to God's will. I recently learned that we singles remain single because we look for what we want and not for what God wants for us.​

Me: About wants, that is a truth. However I recently was at a conference where I learned that God gives us desires in our lives, and He wouldn't give us those desires if He didn't intend for us to have them in His time. Part of the Conference was spent figuring out what out desires are, as they relate to our core values. And my desires have started to be fulfilled ever since. So I know He is bringing about His promises to me.

There are so many thoughts that come to mind about this. I'll just say that yes, this guy is 20 years older than me. And the slight creepiness of him telling me I was young and healthy and I could have 10 kids

Being Nice and Honest--It Does Work!

Him: Hey,

Just saw your profile and I think you are really kool. I graduated from MSU and moved to salt lake this June.

I'm used to hanging out with friends a lot during weekends. But moving to salt lake changed my life all of a sudden. I literally don't know anybody in the city and its weird that I have no plans for the weekends.

Hence, I'm trying reaching out to new people to make new friends and get adjusted to life here.

If you are interested, I would love to get to know more about you.

Me: Hello! I am on here to find LDS men to date, not just to hang out. I've been doing the hanging out with men I meet in person as well as online for a few years, and I just don't have time to waste on that anymore. I am looking for something serious.

But welcome to Salt Lake. I am not from here, but have really come to love it. I would recommend joining some MeetUp groups--they are REALLY popular here in Salt Lake and you can join many that correlate with your interests. (I am part of a board game one, an Ultimate one, a theater one, etc.) You will meet people so quickly that way.

I also recommend looking up your nearest LDS Young Single Adult (YSA) ward. Even if you have no interest in the Church, they are always doing scads of activities and you'll make friends quite easily there. Good luck. I hope you come to enjoy Salt Lake as much as I have.

Him: Hello, I totally understand and thank you so much for the information. I'll check it out.

Thank you once again!

Me: You are most welcome

Kindness. Respect. Simply being nice. My Goddess coach was right--if I look for that, I will see those traits around me. And it is reassuring that these men exist.

Feast or Famine: Beware Upset Stomachs

So much can happen in only a few weeks. The two dates that weekend ended up escalating to 4, though only 3 happened because one made up some excuse to get out of ours.

The canceled date said we would reschedule and never heard from him again. I'm not entirely disappointed, as he was already being very demanding in our text/chat portion of the relationship, before we'd even met.

The Saturday date I believe forgot about it, but showed up 45 minutes late. At least he showed up.

The initial Skype date that had to be postponed twice turned out nicely. Good conversation. Some texting in the following 2 weeks, in which we set up another Skype date. He didn't show up for it. And I never heard from him again. That was a confusing Ghosting experience, but oh well.

The second Skype date was painful. I had to initiate all conversation and try to keep them going. No surprise, no second date after that.

But during the course of the 4 technically 3 dates in a weekend, I met another man online. For me, there was an immediate connection. Probably because this guy knew how to carry on a conversation--even in writing! We scheduled our first date; then I didn't hear much from him after. I wondered if he'd lost interest. (Learned later that yeah, basically he had.) But we still want on our date and there was a huge connection and a lot of chemistry.

That was the 1st of 5 dates within 3 weeks. He was dragging his feet about the idea of us being exclusive. I believe he thought about it, but he just wasn't there. So it rather surprised and, yes really hurt, that on Monday morning he called me to tell me that he decided to be exclusive with another woman whom he hadn't even been dating (they were friends with a long background; that doesn't equate to dating--read Elder Oaks.).

The main thing that hurts, is the reasons he ended us. If we had ended ourselves because of differences we couldn't work around or didn't want to work around, fine. But this feels like it is trying to re-enforce one of the fears I have been trying to fight most of my life: that I am not the kind of girl any guy is looking for, and that he will always find someone else and go for her rather than me. (Deeper explanation given here.) In the past, most guys just went for the other girls without giving me a chance. This is the first time that a guy showed interest, and told me I am beautiful and amazing and that he really enjoyed being with me, and still chose another girl--two days after our last date, only hours after us texting about when we'd be able to see each other next.

So, yep, I'm in pain from that. But I'm OK with the relationship ending. And the residual pain/anger is fading and will soon be gone. I'm still putting Goddess lessons in to practice. This included what I have started calling my letter therapy. And I've closed the back door and am continuing onward. I am reviewing my Goddess Journal, and my love magnetizing mantras. And, mostly, I'm just moving on with my life and remembering all the things I love about me as well as my life. Because I am worth it to someone, somewhere, whose head won't be turned by another woman. It will happen. I believe it.

I have learned and gained much in the last 5 weeks. I can't believe it has only been 5 weeks! Looking forward to all the more things I have to gain. Thus, on y va!!

No. Just...No.

If you have grandchildren, you are not in my dating range!

And lest you come at with me with the accusation of "you're too picky:"

I am still young enough to have my own children, and really hope that will happen with the man I marry. Though I generally have a wide age range, right now it has narrowed because of one of the biggest things I want in our marriage. So 28 years older than me when I'm in my 30s, ain't gonna happen, sir. But thank you for your interest. I'm looking for the positive, being-flattered in it.

In other news--Goddess Weekend changed my life!! Been putting it in to practice for the last 3 weeks and already has made a huge difference in getting over a blow that would have really, really hurt me before the Goddess Weekend.

Not hopeless

I started reading this quote as if it applied to my struggle with being a single adult. I realize once I recognized the quote that that wasn't the original message or meaning. However, with the amazing things I've been learning from my pseudo dating coach, my Goddess coach, or my Toronto God-send--what shall I call her?!?!, this quote applies to me. Especially to the barrier that I built somewhere in my history to protect myself. A barrier that I'm currently trying to recognize each time it creeps up and work on moving away from. In January I'll attend a seminar/conference that will help me even more with that. Until then, I thought it appropriate to share. And felt I should give a bit of an update on where I am in my singleness. I'm on the yellow brick road to Oz--things are looking up so much!